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“Like. Berries. Or something.”

“Berries,” I repeated.

“Yes,” Kevin said. “So we can have fruit for breakfast.”

“Berries.”

“Forest berries,” Gary said. “From the forest.”

“Fine,” I said. “I’ll take the first watch. Don’t take long.”

An hour later, things got gross.

I was lying by the fire listening to Tiggy snore next to me and watching the stars above when I heard it echoing through the trees.

At first, I thought it sounded like a ghost eating feral cats.

And then I thought it might have been monkeys fighting with peeled, wet oranges.

But then I heard, “OOOOH, KEVIN. OH. MY. FUCKING. GODS. HOW LONG IS YOUR TONGUE?”

And I said, “Nope. Nope, nope, nope.”

“OH, MY LOVE, YOU TASTE LIKE THE FINEST AMBROSIA. I WANT TO DRINK YOU DOWN MY THROAT.”

I threw up a little bit in my mouth.

“HOW CAN YOU EVEN BEND LIKE THAT?”

“GARY. GARY. YOU MAKE ME FEEL ALIVE AND I WANT TO DO THINGS TO YOUR ANUS.”

“Please make this just be a nightmare,” I whispered. “I’m begging you.”

“YOU CAN DO ANYTHING TO MY ANUS.”

“WHO’S BEEN A BAD UNICORN? HAVE YOU BEEN A BAD UNICORN?”

“Please say no,” I said. “Please say no.”

“YES. YES. I’VE BEEN SUCH A BAD UNICORN.”

“Whyyyyy?” I moaned as I pulled my blanket over my head.

“BAD UNICORNS GET PUNISHED. DID YOU KNOW THAT?”

“YES! YES, I KNEW!”

“YES, WHAT?”

“HUH? YES, WHAT WHAT?”

“NO. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SAY YES, SIR.”

“OH. WE’RE REALLY GOING THERE?”

“Don’t go there,” I muttered rocking back and forth. “Don’t go there.”

“WELL, YEAH. IF YOU’VE BEEN A BAD UNICORN. THAT’S KIND OF THE RULES.”


Tags: T.J. Klune Tales From Verania Fantasy