“It just makes so much more sense now, doesn’t it? He’s so like you.”
“Yeah. He’s a wizard’s apprentice, but he also has a creepy sense of romance.”
“Sam,” Mom said, louder. “You get that from your father. Sometimes when I wake up at night, he’s watching me sleep.”
“It’s true, son,” Dad said. “We’re kind of creepy. But we love with our whole creepy hearts.”
I groaned. “If that was supposed to make me feel better, you failed.”
“I followed your mother around for a week before I got the courage to go up and talk to her,” Dad said. “I stayed in the shadows and tried not to breathe heavily.”
“Of course,” Mom said, a smile in her voice, “I knew he was there the whole time. The first time he approached, I wondered if he was finally going to murder me. So I knocked him flat on his ass and told him I would gut him if he tried anything.”
“So badass,” I whispered in awe.
“And then I gave her the flowers I’d brought for her,” Dad said. “I’d accidentally squashed them, but she didn’t mind.”
“And then we had you,” Mom said. “Okay, well, I skipped a bunch of steps there, but you get the idea. I don’t think you want to hear about your parents having sexual inter—”
“Stop it,” I said. “Stop it right now.”
“He’s just jealous because we’re not virgins,” Dad said. “Not even close to being virgins. And kind of virgin.”
“Oh, you,” Mom giggled.
“Oh my gods,” I said, because I wanted this to be over.
“Feel better now?” Mom asked.
“Um. I think horrified is the word you’re looking for. I feel horrified.”
“We are good at this parent thing,” Mom said.
“Pretty much the best,” Dad agreed.
“I would marry the both of you if I could,” the King said. “You are wonderful.”
“Oh, come on!” I cried.
“He’s just being polite, dear heart,” Mom said.
“Politely wanting to get all up on this,” Dad said.
“No,” I said. “You are not allowed to be in the same room with each other ever again. There will be no parental three-ways. I command you.”
They all laughed at me like jerks.
“Can I have a word alone with Sam?” Morgan asked quietly.
For a moment, Mom, Dad, and even the King sputtered, but then they stopped and I knew exactly the look on Morgan’s face that brooked no further argument. It’s all eyebrows and frown lines and narrowed eyes, and I almost ached at missing him. Missing them all. I knew I needed to go home. I needed them right now, and even if it meant having to face the one thing I didn’t ever want to see, at least I’d have my whole family by my side.
Eventually their voices faded until I knew it was just Morgan and I. He let me breathe for a moment, knowing I needed it.
I wished I could see his face.
He said, “Sam, I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah,” I said hoarsely.