He snorted. “You don’t get it, do you?”
“Get what?”
“Gods, you’re so fucking infuriating.”
“So I’ve been told once or twice.”
He turned toward me, mouth set in a thin line. I heard the angry yell from Ryan down somewhere below and Kevin’s answering roar. But I never took my eyes off Justin. There was a flash of green just outside of my vision, but I had to tell myself no, no, no. Because I could collapse this keep around him if I wanted to. Just a few well-placed thoughts here and there and a twitch of my fingers and he’d be covered in stone.
He said, “It’s always about you.”
I arched an eyebrow at him. “How you figure?”
“I’m going to be the fucking king one day,” he snarled at me. “I’m going to take my father’s place and rule over all of Verania. It’s why I was born. It’s what I was raised for. It’s why I took all those fucking lessons in etiquette and diplomacy. It was in the hundreds of hours of meetings I attended with councils and heads of state. With advisors and commanders, all telling me what I was supposed to do. How I was supposed to be. What I would become. And then you.”
It was said with such venom that I almost took a step back. But I didn’t because I didn’t fear him. I was not scared of Justin. I would never hurt him, but that didn’t mean I’d take his shit.
“You get taken from the slums,” he said. “You are brought into my home. You who did nothing to deserve it. Nothing to earn it. All because of a fucking magic trick you did one day when you were sticking your nose where it didn’t belong. And it only took days for it to be all about you. Oh Sam the sweet little wizard. Oh Sam the boy who came from nothing. Perfect, innocent Sam who came to the castle and who everyone loved. Morgan talked about you as if you were a prophecy fulfilled. The staff talked about you like you were royalty. Beloved and cherished. My friends, my fucking friends, thought you were smart and loyal. And my father. Well. Let’s just say it wasn’t long before he was speaking of you as if you were his second son.”
“I didn’t ask for any of this,” I said quietly.
“You never had to!” he cried, and Gary and Tiggy jerked their heads up. Tiggy started toward us, a low growl rumbling from his chest. I held up a hand to ward him off, to placate him. He stopped, but he wasn’t pleased. “You never had to ask for anything because it was always given to you! How do you think it made me feel when I would sit at my father’s side, doing everything I could to get him to notice me, to say something about how well I was doing, how proud of me he was, only to hear him talk about you. About what you did. About what you’d become.
“And to make it worse, you could come and go as you pleased. You didn’t have to stay in the fucking castle. You didn’t have to follow rules and guidelines and codes. You could do whatever the fuck you wanted because you’re fucking Sam of fucking Wilds. You fuck up and everyone laughs and shrugs. You got a Dark wizard murdered and nothing, absolutely nothing happened to you. Nothing. I make a mistake and the entire fucking kingdom will hear about it.”
“That’s not fair,” I said, trying to keep from raising my voice. “I’m sorry if you felt that I’ve taken things from you, but I’m not sorry for my life. I won’t ever apologize for who I am and I shouldn’t have to. You can’t ask that of me, Justin. And that Dark wizard that I got murdered? He was going to kill us. He was going to hurt Gary. And I will never let that happen. Gary is my friend and I will never let anyone hurt him. And Tiggy loves us. He loves us enough to protect us. Much like I tried to protect you.”
He recoiled as if I’d slapped him. “You don’t love me,” he said hoarsely.
“No,” I said. “I don’t. But you are my Prince, and I would do anything to protect you.”
“Fuck you, Sam. Gods, fuck you so much. You sanctimonious little bitch.”
“Your father loves you. Your people love you. Ryan lo—”
“Don’t you fucking talk to me about Ryan!” he shouted. “You don’t know shit about that. You don’t get to speak a godsdamn word about us.” He took a step toward me.
I said, “Don’t. Whatever you’re thinking, don’t.”
Another step and the stone beneath my feet cracked. The green was so bright and I had to force it away. Dark syllables danced ac
ross my mind, but I stripped them of their intent. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t hurt him. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.
There was a large shadow flashing overhead and then Kevin was there, landing near Tiggy and Gary. Gary murmured something to him quietly, words I couldn’t make out. Kevin gave an answering rumble but didn’t move from his perch.
And that meant Ryan was coming. They must have heard Justin’s voice.
Fuck this day so fucking much.
“He came here to save you,” I said. “There was no stopping him.”
“And I’m sure it didn’t hurt that you were going too,” Justin said, chuckling bitterly.
“Nothing happened.” But wasn’t that a lie? Because something had happened. Everything had happened.
“He was mine, you know,” Justin said. “My father told me that a king needed a queen. When I told him I was gay, he said that a king needed a consort. He said that if I didn’t find someone on my own by my twenty-fifth birthday, that he would arrange a marriage on my behalf. That he would find someone for me and I would be forced to marry them. Do you know what that feels like, Sam? To know that your future is put on a deadline and if that deadline isn’t met, that you’ll be matched with a stranger, someone who you’ve never met but will spend the rest of your life with.”
I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know. I didn’t know what it felt like to be forced to love someone, because I loved someone with so much force it hurt my heart to even think about it. Someone who didn’t belong to me. No matter what was said, Ryan wasn’t mine. It didn’t stop the keep from starting to rumble, the stones vibrating underneath our feet. Gary called my name, told me to focus, to fucking focus, but I pushed his voice away.