“GWAAAAHHHH!”
“GRAAAHHH—never mind. We’ll work on this later. Well, finish the dragon thing, find a tavern and scope out the mens.”
“Scopin’ out mens,” Tiggy agreed. “And cake.”
“Yes, dear heart. We can have cake. Now, where were we?” Gary looked back at Kevin, who was still staring at him. “Oh, right. Dragon. That’d probably be a good place to start. You there. Dragon! Hello! Yes, you!”
Kevin looked over his shoulder as if there was another dragon standing directly behind him that Gary could have been addressing. “Me?” he asked.
“Yes. You. Now. Have you seen a wizard? Well, apprentice, really. He’s about six feet tall, skinny as all get out. I’ve told that boy he needs to eat more, but does he listen to me? Of course not. His nose is always buried in his Grimoire or in the labs or running for our lives. He’s got black hair, or maybe it’s better described as onyx. Onyx, Tiggy?”
“Onyx,” Tiggy agreed. “Pretty Sam.”
“Onyx, then,” Gary said. “But you probably know him from his mouth. It never closes.”
“Hey!” I snapped. “It closes all the time!”
“Only when you swallow, dear,” Gary said and then, “Sam! Oh my gods!”
Tiggy, Gary, and Ryan all looked up.
Justin and I waved.
“Are you a prisoner of the dragon?” Gary asked. “What the hell am I saying? Of course you are. Gods, Sam. If you ever do that again, I swear I’ll murder you. You gave me gray hairs! Gray hairs, Sam. At my age? You asshole!”
“Uh, it makes you look distinguished?” I tried.
His eyes narrowed. “Distinguished. That’s what you’re choosing to go with.”
“Are you all right?” Ryan asked, tone weary and concerned. “When you were taken, I couldn’t—”
“I’m fine,” Justin and I both said at the same time.
“Er,” I said. “The Prince is just fine.”
“Because that’s who you were asking about, right, Ryan?” Justin asked.
“Uhhh,” Ryan said. “I should probably fight this dragon.”
“Can we please ignore the awkwardness and go back to where Sam said I was an old cow?” Gary asked. “He should never be allowed to speak again. Ever.”
“If you ask me, I’ll tell you what I think,” Kevin blurted out.
“Hmmm,” Gary said. “Intrigued. Go ahead.”
Kevin swallowed thickly, throat bobbing up and down. “Okay. So. Um. Come on, Kevin, you can do this. You got this. Just say it. Say it. Ahem. You are the most enchanting creature I have ever seen. I have not known true beauty until this day. Any beauty I thought I might have known before was an obvious lie because there is no comparison.”
“Sucks for you,” I told Justin, elbowing him in the side.
“He’s dissing you too, asshole,” Justin grumbled.
“Nah. I’ve just got dick lips.”
“I don’t think that’s as good as you keep thinking it is.”
“Five minutes ago, you were his one true love. Now, I bet he doesn’t even remember your name.”
“I don’t suppose it matters,” Justin said, lips curving dangerously. “I’m already engaged to be married. You know. To a knight.”