He glanced quickly at me before going back to being regal and staring at the horizon. “Kevin.”
“Well,” I said. “That’s… a name. That you picked. For yourself.”
“Yes,” Kevin said. “I spent ten years ruminating on it before I picked it.”
“I can see that,” I said slowly. “And Kevin is… the best you could come up with? Obviously,” I added quickly when Kevin stiffened. “It’s fitting. For you. And your being. All your dragon-ness.” I was making this so much worse.
“Isn’t it?” Kevin said, though I could hear the word of warning in his voice.
Justin rolled his eyes. “A dragon named Kevin is in love with me. I just… I don’t even. Gods.”
“A dragon named Kevin wants to fuck me,” I said without meaning to. And then I cringed.
“What?” Justin said, voice all low and dangerous.
“What what?” I asked.
“Baby,” Kevin cooed to Justin. “I don’t even. No, baby. Look at me. You’re the only man for me. Hey. Hey. Look at me. Look at me, Bright Eyes. Hey. Who’s my big strong Prince? Hmm? Hey. I don’t. Not anymore. That was so long ago. Before I even met you. I was a different dragon back then.”
“Um,” I said. “That was, like, weeks ago. And you also said I had lips made for sucking cock when you kidnapped me. And you just said you wanted a sexual relationship with me. Like five minutes ago.”
Kevin went down on his stomach and put his head near Justin, who stood with his arms crossed and his back to the dragon. “Hey. No. Listen. I didn’t mean it. Baby. Look at me. Hey. You’re the only one for me. I don’t care if he’s got cock-sucking lips.”
I scrunched up my face in disgust. “Um. Ew. And also? Offensive.”
Kevin bumped his nose into Justin. “Baby,” he purred. “It’s you. Even when we couldn’t understand each other, we spoke the language of love.”
“You had sex with Kevin?” I asked, my voice going high.
“What?” Justin said. “No. Gods, Sam. Do you ever think before you speak?”
“Yeah, Sam, gods,” Kevin said. “It’s not always about sex, even if you have those lips made for dick.”
“He’s very sexually aggressive,” I told Justin. “I don’t think you should sleep with him.”
“Stop cockblocking me!” the dragon hissed.
“He’s engaged,” I reminded Kevin. “To a knight.”
Kevin snorted, a lick of flame curling from his nose. “Easily remedied. I shall eat the knight and then he won’t be engaged.”
“You don’t eat people, though,” I said.
“You don’t?” Justin asked. He uncrossed his arms and turned back toward the dragon.
Kevin glared at me before turning back to Justin. “No,” he admitted. “Too boney. I try to stay healthy. I’m mostly a vegetarian. Every now and then, I’ll treat myself to a cow on my cheat day, but that’s about it.”
“You’re a vegetarian,” I said.
“Mostly,” he said.
“You’re mostly a vegetarian.”
“Yes.”
“You’re ruining dragons for me,” I said. “Everything about you is ruining d
ragons for me.”