“Well,” I said, feeling slightly vindictive. “It isn’t just me. It’s Gary. And Tiggy. And Ryan.”
Justin’s eyes narrowed. “Really,” he said flatly. “You. And Gary. And Tiggy. And Ryan. That’s who my father sent.”
“It’s supposed to be some sort of test, I think,” I said. “To be honest, I’m not really clear. I think he said something about how it was romantic if Ryan rode up on a steed to slay the dragon and rescue the Prince, but then that turned racist because of Gary, so there is no steed and so I’m pretty sure the King’s idea of romance is slightly whack. He did try to marry me off to Captain Bad-Touch, after all. He had rapey eyes. Kind of like someone else I know.” I turned and looked at the dragon pointedly.
Of course it ignored me. “Slay the dragon?” it said. “How barbaric.”
“You tried to set us on fire!”
“I tried to set you on fire,” it said. “You’re a wizard. You deserve to be on fire.”
“Rude.”
“No,” it said. “Truth.”
“And if I hadn’t been a wizard, then Justin and I would have been flambé and you wouldn’t have been able to hoard him like you did.”
“With your whizbangs,” the dragon said. “Ice sparklies.”
“Exactly,” I said. “You’re welcome. The both of you.”
They rolled their eyes.
“Where is the rest of the really sad rescue party?” Justin asked.
“Oh shit,” I said. “They’re still with the cult. I think. They fed us some kind of coercion and truth spell mixed with corn and we couldn’t do shit about it.”
Justin took a stuttering step back. He cleared his throat. His eyes darted over my shoulder then back at me. “Truth spell?” he said.
Godsdammit. “Uh. Yeah? Yes.”
He coughed. “And… what sort of truths were there?”
“Wizarding truths?” That sounded believable.
“Wizarding truths.”
“Yes. That’s why they tried to sacrifice me first. They thought the dragon would be impressed by me.”
“I’m not,” the dragon said. “I might need to smite my subjects because they got it way wrong. You’re pretty, but you stink of magic. And you threw up on me. That’s not how I want to start a sexual relationship.”
“You dropped me,” I reminded him. “Uh. Not that I’m trying to argue about getting into a sexual relationship with you. You’re not my type. I like my men more… not you.”
The dragon huffed. “You don’t know what you’re missing.”
“Thankfully so.”
“Any other truths, then?”
Yes. A shitload of them. So many fucking truths that I couldn’t even be sure if it had been a dream or not. So I said, “No. That was pretty much it.”
“You never were a very good liar,” he said.
“I do okay,” I said.
“Tell me.”
“What?”