I almost said I would rather die, but that would have been a lie and the ground was getting really fucking close. So I put on my big-boy pants and roared, “PLEASE, YOU FUCKING DICKBAG TOAST WHORE!”
“I don’t even know what that meant,” it said, but then its wings snapped open and those claws shot out and wrapped around my middle. The wings caught an updraft and the descent was slowed immediately, so much so that my back cracked from the force of it. The dragon pumped its wings, and we rose back up toward the sky.
“I’ll be honest,” I told it tiredly. “I believe I’ve shit myself.”
“Gross,” the dragon said. “Learn to live a littl
e, drama queen.”
“You drop me again and I’ll turn you inside out.”
“Oooh, so scary. Will you do that with your tiny little human arms?”
“I work out!”
It waited.
“Well. Okay. Not work out per se. I think about it. Sometimes. My arms aren’t tiny!”
“Too right,” it said. “You’re going to do me a favor.”
“Yeah. About that. No.” I was still trying to figure out if I’d actually shit myself. I hoped not. There’d be more corn.
“Uh-oh,” it said. “My grasp is slipping.”
And his grip around me loosened.
I screamed bloody murder and held on to one of his claws.
“Gods,” it said. “You’re loud for having tiny arms.”
“That doesn’t even… you… are all dragons this fucking annoying?”
The dragon stiffened. Then, “I wouldn’t know. Never really met another one.”
And I really didn’t know what to say to that so I said nothing at all. I closed my eyes and prayed that the flight would soon be over.
And that I hadn’t actually shit myself.
CHAPTER 21
So, This Is Awkward
IT DIDN’T take long before we started to descend again near the base of the Northern Mountains. The dragon had kept silent through the remainder of the flight. I thought about drilling it with as many questions I could think of (because when was I ever going to get the chance to talk to a dragon again?), but I instead spent the majority of the time trying to keep my gorge from rising again.
So it was with immense relief when the ground came into view again. And when I saw a stone structure rising out of the middle of another valley, I knew we’d reached the keep that Dimitri had first spoken of weeks ago.
“Jesus,” I said. “Dimitri was right.”
“Who?” the dragon asked.
“Fairy king,” I said. “Tried to get me to marry him. Don’t ask. It was this whole thing that spiraled out of control. Like the time I was kidnapped by a dragon.”
“I didn’t kidnap you.”
“Um. You took me against my will. That’s, like, the definition of kidnapping, dude.”
“Dude?” the dragon scoffed. “Dude? I’ll never understand why the king of the fairies would want to marry you, dude. Unless you suck cock as good your lips indicate you should.”