“Um,” Eloise said. “Maybe you guys could—”
We ignored her completely. “I’m going to do so many spells,” I said, because it seemed impossible for me to stop. “You won’t even believe how many spells I can do. Flora Bora Slam, motherfucker.” Our lips were inches apart.
“I want you to Flora Bora Slam me,” Ryan said and I just choked.
“Therapy,” Gary said. “I’m going to need so much therapy. It’s like watching cows mating and it’s wet and sticky and uncomfortable but I can’t look away because I’m worried some of it is going to get on me.”
“We’re not cows,” I growled at him.
“I’m not very good at metaphors,” Gary said. “I try to be, but I’m not. It’s something I wish I could be better at. I would also like to learn how to tap dance and make macramé art because I think I’m not worldly enough.”
“You think macramé is worldly?”
Apropos of nothing, Tiggy said, “I love chicken. And turtles. And the sky. And shoes.”
Gary narrowed his eyes at me. “Yes, Sam. I’m sorry if it’s not up to your standards of wanting to cover Ryan with your magic.”
“That sounds so awesome,” Ryan breathed, and I was going to kiss him. I was going to fucking kiss him and—
“Except you have a fiancé,” Gary said and that pretty much brought about the end of any thoughts about kissing I might have had.
Ouch.
I pulled my head away. “You love Justin,” I said as my heart clenched. “You love him and want to marry him and have his babies and live in a castle and suck on his dick in the moonlight as he calls you things like babycakes and lovebone.”
Lovebone? Eloise mouthed to herself.
He shook his head adamantly. “No, Sam. Listen. It’s not like that. It’s—”
“Enough,” Eloise snarled. “No more talking.”
We both fell silent. We had no other choice. Ryan looked stricken, like all he wanted to do was talk more, to finish his sentence, but the compulsion we were under was powerful and we could only do what Eloise told us.
“Now,” she said, “where were we? Ah, yes. The offering.”
And I just knew she was about to start monologuing, but I could do nothing to stop it. If looks could kill, though, her head would have been severed from her body the moment she opened her mouth.
But apparently Eloise wasn’t in the mood to monologue and instead got right down to business. “The Great Father will be here soon enough. We mustn’t keep him waiting. Michael, Frank. Would you be so kind as to escort the apprentice to the altar? He has a date with a god.”
Two very large men stood up from farther down the table and started stalking toward me. I tried to do something, anything to stop them, but whatever mixture they’d overdosed us on was stronger. Gary, Tiggy, and Ryan were fighting against it too, and as the men grabbed me by the arms, my eyes met Ryan’s. Sweat tricked down his brow as he tried to move. There was fear in his eyes, but it wasn’t for himself. It was meant for me and I wondered, for just a moment, what things could have been like now that we were forced to be open to each other.
I wondered what would have happened.
Then I was struck upside the back of my head and all I knew was dark.
CHAPTER 20
The Sexually Aggressive Dragon
WHEN I came to, I was aware of three things:
First, I had a bitch of a headache.
Second, I hated corn and Tarker Mills with a passion.
Third, Ryan Foxheart wanted to sex me up.
I opened my eyes and became aware of two more things.