Impressively, Ryan scowled at me while still keeping his eyes on the Darks. “Please. I so had the situation handled and then you stepped in unnecessarily.”
“Unnecessarily? There were four Dark wizards and only one of you with your little sword!”
“It’s not little.”
“Eh. I’ve seen bigger.” And I had. There were some that even the biggest of men had to hold with two hands to get a good grip on. They were heavy and thick and could never be fisted with a single hand alone.
“That’s not what you were saying when it was poking you in the middle of your date,” Ryan said. “You know. With Todd. Who has ears.”
“Oh my gods,” Gary moaned.
“Maybe you should have watched where you were sticking it when you were bending over in front of me,” I snapped. “You can’t just shove it wherever you want. It’s not sanitary.”
“Is this… is this what I think it is?” the first Dark said with a frown. “What is this?”
“I have no idea,” the second Dark said. “I don’t know if I’m being threatened or turned on. It’s somewhat frightening that I can’t tell the difference.”
“Sanitary? I keep it clean!”
“Rubbing it off once a week does not count as sanitary.”
Tiggy giggled. “That sounds like two things.”
“I do it more than once a week,” Ryan protested. “Two times a day. At least. When I get up and before I go to bed.”
“Really? I’ve never seen you do that.”
He rolled his eyes. “Usually, you’re asleep when I start. I try to keep quiet so I don’t wake you up. I’ll make sure you’re awake the next time I’m doing it so you can watch me.”
Gary started coughing harshly.
“They have to be doing this on purpose,” the first Dark said. “Right?”
“I can’t tell,” the second Dark said. “The UST is killing me, though. They’re like Russ and Rochelle from that serial story you read in the newspaper.”
“Oooh, you mean ‘Companions’? I love that story. It’s always will they or won’t they and I just want to push their faces together and scream at them to kiss.”
“Right? Sort of like now.” The Darks both stared at me meaningfully. I glared back at them.
“What the hell is UST?” Ryan asked me. He was back on the defensive, eyeing the Darks in front of us. I could hear the fire geckos getting louder. I didn’t know if the Darks had heard them yet. “Is that like a wizarding spell?”
I was sure my face was bright red. “Yes. That’s exactly what it is. A wizarding spell. They’re trying to hex us. With all their UST.”
“Really,” the Dark the First said flatly. “That’s what you’re going with.”
“And it’s not our UST,” Dark the Second said.
“Don’t even try it,” Gary said. “You won’t get anywhere. Trust me on that. It’s like talking to emotionally constipated brick walls.”
“Are we going to fight or is this another one of those times when I think there is going to be fighting but instead there’s talking?” Ryan asked.
“How close?” I gritted out to Gary.
“A minute, maybe less.”
“When I say run, you run.”
“You have a plan?” Gary asked.