“Stepsister?”
“Is it getting warm out here?” Ryan asked no one in particular. “It feels like I’m on fire.”
“No pants!” Tiggy shouted. “Hi, people! No pants. Wear no pants!”
I looked over to see who he was talking to. There was a group of travelers on the road, three men and two women. All of them were staring at us with shock evident on their faces. I covered myself with my hands while Tiggy stopped and cocked his head.
We fell silent.
“…and that’s how I managed to escape the unicorn suffering from Raging Hubris,” Randall finished.
AFTER SCREAMING quite loudly and pulling up my trousers as quickly as I could, I apologized profusely to the travelers who had stumbled upon us. One of the women growled at me and called me her little minx before the other woman reined her back in.
“You pulled down your pants in the middle of the road?” Randall said through the stone after the travelers had departed. “Gods, Sam. Have you no shame? You represent Morgan and the King!”
“But… you just… you were naked all the time!”
“I am not a King’s Wizard,” he said. “Have a modicum of tact, Sam. You are on a quest to save the Prince of Verania from the clutches of a mighty dragon and you’re taking off your pants in broad daylight out in public? I always knew you were going to be trouble. Even before you gave me a phallus for a nose.”
Ryan said, “You did what?”
“You are never going to let me forget that, are you?” I sighed.
“I had to officiate a wedding the next day!”
Ryan said, “No, seriously. You did what?”
I shrugged. “The first time I met him, I accidentally turned his nose into a penis. I was young and thought about dick a lot.”
Ryan almost fell down. For no apparent reason. He wasn’t even walking.
I arched an eyebrow at him. “You okay?”
“I just…,” Ryan started. “I don’t…. Sam.”
“That pretty much sums up how we all feel about Sam,” Gary said. “Fond with strong overtures of horror.”
I grinned at Ryan. “You’re fond of me.”
He started coughing violently.
“Fond,” Gary said to Tiggy.
“Fond,” Tiggy repeated.
“What?” I asked.
They both sighed.
“Randall,” Gary said. “Isn’t it a requirement for all wizards to be at least slightly self-aware?”
“One would hope so,” Randall said. “A wizard must be familiar with his surroundings at all times and able to pick up on all the subtle nuances from the people and/or creatures he associates with.”
“Subtle nuances,” Gary said.
“Subtle,” Tiggy said.
I scowled at the both of them. “You guys are being ridiculous.”