I tried getting her to talk, but she just clung. I was at a loss as to what to do, afraid I knew what she’d heard and yet not wanting her to utter the words with her beautiful lips. Lips that turned to mine in a frenzy. We’ve kissed before; in fact, since we both realized how much we enjoyed it in the last few days, we’ve practiced plenty. But this felt different.
Her desperation and need covered us both like a shroud, and when she tugged at my clothes, I let her, even though I knew deep down inside that it was the wrong time. “No, Gianna, wait.” She didn’t speak so much as grunted, and I fought with myself. Should I give into her or do what I think is right?
“Baby, this isn’t right, we can’t….”
“It’s what I want.” It’s what she wants. I don’t think I have what it takes to deny her anything.
GABRIEL
Trauma bonding, that’s what this feels like. Something triggered her; now, she needs to feel alive like her heart still beats. Part of me wanted to give in, but the other part, the heart that only she had touched after so many years of feeling dead inside, would never allow me to hurt her.
I didn’t resist any longer though, she’d only keep fighting me to get what she wanted, so instead, I moved into her kiss the next time she offered me her lips. When her lips wanted to move hard and fast, I tempered them with soft nibbles and a gentle swipe of my tongue across her full lower lip.
I was in control; I could stop at any time, but I’ll give her this much until she calms down. That’s what I told myself, what I believed to be true. So I didn’t fight as hard when she became the aggressor again. When she sent her tongue on a foray into my mouth, teasing my lips as she held my head in place.
Her kisses were innocent, pure, but it wasn’t her kiss that held me enraptured; it was her, all her. I got lost in the taste of her, and when she pressed herself close to me, taking us all the way down on the bed, the feel of her swept over me.
I thought we were done or close. She didn’t seem as hungry. I’d been keeping my hands on her shoulders, not daring to go any further, but when it felt like her lips were slipping away, I instinctively reached out for her, my hands cupping her cheeks to hold her in place. That’s when I felt her tears.
I pulled back or tried to, but she resisted, pulling me back in. “Just hold me okay, I won’t ask you for anything else if you don’t want to. I know you don’t see me that way….” She started to ramble, and had she been anyone else; I would’ve thought she was playing me just to get her way.
But this was my Gianna; she doesn’t do artifice; she genuinely believed that, and instead of giving her pointless words that wouldn’t get through to her in the state she’s in, I pressed the proof into her soft middle. “Does that feel like I don’t want you?”
“Then why?” She lifted her head to look down at me.
“Because you’re hurt and upset. If I took you now, it wouldn’t be fair; you’re not in….” She pulled my face to hers and brought our lips together, cutting the words off midstream in her way of telling me that I was wrong. I still felt in control still saw no danger; I believed we were past the worst.
We’ve spent hours kissing lately. I know how to control my body through that. I won’t go too far, won’t let her do something she might regret. I told myself these things as I let her take me under, holding onto my control when she rolled onto me, pressing me into the firm mattress beneath. And again, when the softness of her breasts grazed across my chest.
Knowing that I was in control gave me a sense of freedom, and instead of worrying, staying on alert, I let myself enjoy her. Her taste, her touch, her smell, a combination beyond anything I could compare. When she lifted my shirt slowly, teasingly, before running her tongue along my abs, that was okay; she was still fully clothed.
When she used my chest like a smorgasbord, licking from one end to the other, stopping only to lick my nipples, I didn’t complain; my cock had been hard since she turned to me, and I wasn’t out of my mind with lust. She’s safe!
When I heard the snap of her bra and looked down to see her kneeling between my thighs on the bed, her shirt off, the jeans she wore riding low on her hips, I still thought we had a chance. My eyes fell on her breasts; the perfection is hard to describe.