“I’m saying he wasn’t exactly wrong. I love Camden. I’ve loved him since we were kids, but I cared about you, too. More than I should.” Her eyes never left mine as she admitted, “I’ve had feelings for you since the day we first kissed, and I’ve never stopped.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I knew it wouldn’t change anything. I would never cheat on Camden, and you would never betray your brother. I figured it was best to just keep it to myself.” She shrugged. “I thought as long as I got to see you, now and then, it would be enough, so I made up excuses like stupid water leaks and running commodes as an excuse to spend time with you.”
“You did?”
“Oh, yeah, I did. Do you have any idea how hard it was to break things without it looking obvious that I’d done it myself?” She rolled her eyes and gave me a slight smile. “But I don’t guess I have to worry about that anymore. Now that I know the truth about Camden, I can see you whenever I want.”
I should’ve been excited by the thought.
I wasn’t.
I should’ve wanted to take her in my arms and carry her straight to bed.
I didn’t.
I was a fucking mess. My head was being bombarded with one question after the next, and I just wanted answers. I ran a hand over my face with an exasperated sigh. “I still don’t understand why you’d marry him if you had feelings for me.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing.” I could hear the anguish in her voice as she explained, “I meant it when I said I loved him. I really did. He felt safe. He had everything planned out. There were no unanswered questions. Camden was dependable and always there when I needed him.”
She was right.
Camden was safe.
He was a planner.
He was dependable and all that bullshit.
But it didn’t explain why she’d chosen him over me.
I was trying to rationalize it all in my head when Mia leaned towards me and placed her hand on mine. “It wasn’t like that with you. You were so wild and free, so full of life, and you refused to be tamed. As much as I loved that about you, it scared me. It still scares me.”
“So, that’s why you married Camden? Because you thought I couldn’t be tamed?”
“Yes, but it’s not that simple.” She gave my hand a squeeze. “If we had gotten married, you wouldn’t have the life you have now. You wouldn’t be the president of the Ruthless Sinners. Instead, you’d have some job that you didn’t love… to pay bills you didn’t want to pay… or have kids you didn’t want to have… and live in a place you didn’t want to live. And you’d just end up hating me for it.”
“You don’t know what kind of life I did or didn’t want! You never fucking asked!” All the hurt and regret I’d kept bottled up inside of me started to churn in the pit of my stomach as I stood and shouted, “I loved you, Mia. Fuck! I loved you heart and soul, and when I was out there putting my goddamn life on the line, you wrote me a Dear fucking John letter and sent me packing without giving me a fucking chance!”
“Writing that letter was one of the hardest things I’d ever done!” She jumped up and stood in front of me, placing her hands on my chest. “I can’t tell you how many times I had to rewrite it. I cried all the way through it. I loved you, Thatch. I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to have the life you wanted, and I knew I couldn’t give that to you.”
“That’s something we’ll never know. You made sure of it.”
“Thatch, you have to know...” She slid her hands up my chest, then wound her arms around my neck. “If I could go back in time and change the things I’ve....”
“Boy, you didn’t waste any fucking time, did ya?” Camden snarled from the living room doorway. Mia quickly removed her arms from around my neck and took a step back, then stared at Camden with disgust in her eyes as he growled, “You just had to run over here and tell her what a piece of shit I am.”
“Yeah, like she didn’t already know.”
“You could’ve given me a chance to fucking explain.” Camden took a charging step forward. “You owed me that much!”
“Go right ahead!” I stormed past him and out the front door. “Explain away.”
Before either of them had a chance to stop me, I made my way down the steps and out to my bike. I got on, and without looking back, started the engine and whipped out of the driveway. I was thankful that the weather had cleared, and it was warm enough for me to take my bike today. I was in a bad headspace and needed some wind therapy to get me back on track.