I’d spent years trying to put the memories of what happened that night behind me, but the second I saw him, they all came flooding back.
My stomach turned.
Bile rose to the back of my throat.
My palms started to sweat.
My breath quickened.
It was happening—a stupid panic attack.
I closed my eyes, clamped my hands in my lap, and tried to control my breathing—in through the nose, out through the mouth. I was just starting to pull myself together when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I glanced up and found the guard looking down at me with concern in his eyes. “You making it okay over here?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“You don’t have to worry.” He motioned his hand towards the glass. “He can’t get to you. You’re safe here.”
I nodded.
“If it becomes too much, just say the word, and I’ll get his ass out of here.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that.”
He gave me a reassuring nod, then went back over to his position next to the door. I looked over to the other guard and watched as he removed Trevor’s ankle restraints.
The moment seemed so surreal. He didn’t resist or fight but appeared perfectly calm.
During those last few months of our marriage, Trevor was often hostile, angry, and very bitter. He was filled with resentment and hate, and it was all directed at me. I didn’t understand it.
I still didn’t.
I was his wife, the mother of his child, and I was doing everything I could to help him. I tried to make his life better, but he couldn’t see that. His hunger for those damn painkillers had made him lose all sense of reason, and it had turned him into a monster—a monster who wanted to lash out and hurt me at every turn.
He was no longer the man I once loved; he’d become a complete stranger.
As I looked at him now, he still had all the same familiar qualities I remembered when we first met—dark hair, hazel eyes, and pronounced jawline, but there were other things about him that were vastly different. He was now extremely muscular with a build like an MMA fighter, and he had tattoos—lots of them.
His eyes were locked on mine as he picked up the phone receiver from the wall and brought it up to his ear. A cold expression crossed his face as he waited for me to do the same.
Unsure of what to say or do, I didn’t move. I just sat there staring back at him for several moments until he finally gave me a frustrated look and pointed over to the receiver. I finally picked it up, slowly brought it up to my ear, and then my stomach sank at the sound of his voice, “Hello, Rebecca.”
“Hi, Trevor.”
“I was beginning to think this day would never come.”
“I wasn’t so sure myself.”
“I’ve written you letters.”
“I know.”
“So, you got them?”
“I did.”
“Did you read them?”
I nodded. “Yes, I read them.”
“Good ... good. I want you to know I meant every word.” He actually sounded sincere as he continued, “I can’t tell you how good it is to see you. I’ve really missed you, Bug.”
A wounded look crossed his face when I said, “I wish I could say the same.”
“You haven’t missed me? Not even a little?”
“What do you think I would’ve missed, Trevor?” I spat. “Not knowing where you were for days on end, if you were alive or dead, the constant fighting, the screaming and shouting, being knocked around, or maybe you think I might’ve missed the night you tried—”
“Enough!” he growled, cutting me off. “Clearly, this isn’t a family reunion, so why don’t you just go on and tell me what you’re doing here.”
“We need to talk about Catherine.”
“What about her?”
“I need your mother to stop pushing me to bring her here for a visit.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Come on, Trevor. Don’t do this,” I grumbled. “Don’t act like you don’t have a clue of what I’m talking about.”
“I know you have it in your head that I’m some kind of monster who’s incapable of speaking the truth, but I’m telling you I had no idea Mom was trying to get you to bring Cat here.”
“You didn’t?”
“No, I didn’t.” He ran his hand through his thick, shaggy hair. “She’s brought it up a couple of times ... Said it would be good for us both to spend some time together, but I had no idea she’d mentioned anything to you about it.”
“Well, she has. She’s even gone as far as to bring a lawyer into it, and I need her to stop.”
“And why would she do that?”
For a moment, I thought he was on my side, so I was a little stunned by his response. What was I thinking? I should’ve known better. “Because it’s the right thing to do.”
“For who? You?” he grumbled. “Because it sure as hell isn’t the right thing for me. I want to see my daughter. I miss her. I need to see her.”