He flinched underneath her. “I deserved that.”
“Yes, you did,” she agreed. “What about you? Do you want kids?”
“I’ve always wanted a few. At the risk of turning in my man card, I’ll even admit I’ve daydreamed about it. But the woman in those dreams has always been the same person. Without her, realizing that dream means nothing. Besides, you have to have sex to have kids, so it wasn’t in the cards for me.”
Piper lay quietly, absorbing that. It was obvious who he was talking about. And a small part of her was a little uncomfortable with it, but a bigger part of her was eating those words up, basking in their meaning. She could see his dream so clearly—a couple kids running around, a little boy who looked like Jax, and a little girl who looked like Piper, driving their parents crazy every day. Because for sure, any kid who was hers and his would be a handful.
And to her surprise, she found herself wanting to realize his dream with him. She wanted it badly, actually.
Uncomfortable with her thoughts, she cleared her throat. “I still can’t believe you haven’t had sex with anyone else. That means I’m the only woman you’ve ever had sex with. Do you know how rare that is?”
Stiffening underneath her, he did a little throat clearing of his own. “There’s something I should tell you.”
Dread filled her, and she shot to a sitting position, glaring at him. “If you’re going to tell me you had sex with someone else, I’ll turn Lorena Bobbitt on your ass. If you haven’t had sex with anyone since me, that would mean you did it while we were still together.”
“No! No, that’s not it,” he said quickly and with so much conviction in his tone, she couldn’t help but believe him. He sat up and faced her, rubbing a hand over his dark hair. “This is about my eagle. It’s a shifter thing.”
Frown clearing, she nodded, eyeing him. He looked nervous, and it was a change from the Jax she knew. “So tell me.”
Blowing out a breath, he nodded. “Okay. In the shifter world, we have someone called a mate. A mating is like a human marriage, only permanent and a lot more intense. Not all of us find our mate, so those who do are pretty lucky. And a shifter’s mate is everything to them. Their whole world revolves around the mate. Their happiness is more important than anything else, and they’ll do whatever possible to make sure they’re happy. Anything. They’ll kill for them, bend over backward for them, die for them. A shifter’s mate is the most important thing in the world to them. After we find our mate, we’ll never look at another woman again. Never have a tiny smidgeon of interest in anyone besides our mate. For life.”
Brow furrowing as he shot her a meaningful look, she slowly went over everything he’d said in her mind. Freezing as she realized his meaning, her eyes widened as she looked at him. “You mean…?”
Nodding, he said, “That’s what you are to me. You’re my mate, Piper. You always have been. I’ve known since I was eleven, when my eagle told me. You’re it for me, for better or worse.”
Breath hitching, she searched his green and gold eyes, trying to decide how she felt about that. Part of her was over the moon about meaning so much to him, and the other part was scared shitless.
“If my happiness means so much to you, how could you do what you did?”
Regret filled his eyes, and he moved forward and took her hands in his. “Because as much as your happiness means to me, your safety is more important. I had to make you safe. And even though I knew I was dooming myself to a lifetime alone and unhappy, I thought you’d be able to move on. That you’d be able to find happiness someday. The thought that it wouldn’t be with me fucking gutted me, Piper. But I’d sacrifice myself a million times over to make you safe.”
“Except I never did find happiness after you,” she muttered. Uncomfortable with saying that out loud, she rushed out, “There’s one thing I don’t get. If mates are so rare and precious, why would your grandfather threaten me to make you leave me? Why would he want you with someone else? I get that the eagle population is low. But wouldn’t the children you and I had be like you? They’d be eagles too right, or am I getting that wrong?”
“No, you’re right,” he replied darkly, a grim look in his eyes at the mention of his grandfather. “They would be eagle shifters. But my grandfather was obsessed with his own importance. With my family’s importance. My bloodline is pure. Only eagle shifters, no human mates in the mix. He didn’t want me to screw that up. Danica’s line is also impeccable, so he chose her for me.”
“Even knowing you wouldn’t be happy with her? He cares about this bloodline crap so strongly?”
“It means more to him than anything. He never gave a rat’s ass about my happiness, or anyone else’s. That’s all he cared about. And it was his way or the highway, with everyone and e
verything. No one dared defy him until I protested his plans. And even then, I had the last word, in a way. I broke it off with you, like he ordered, to ensure your safety. But I didn’t pursue Danica. In fact, I left town a couple days later. I didn’t come back until about three years ago, when Ian moved us here to be close to Shelby.”
Piper nodded thoughtfully. It all made so much more sense now. And as much as she didn’t want to let it go, she could feel more of the hurt and anger slip away. She still thought Jax had other options, that he should have given it more time and thought before he acted, but she could also understand why he thought he had to act quickly.
He squeezed her hands, and she looked back up into his eyes. “Nothing like that will ever happen again, Piper. I’m older and wiser, and a helluva lot stronger now. I can protect you, and I will to my dying breath. If you can look past what I did, I swear to you, nothing like that will ever happen again. I won’t let you go again, not for anything.”
Searching his eyes, she slowly nodded. “I believe you mean that. I’m just not sure I can believe you won’t decide later that I’d be safer, or better off, without you.” Disappointment filled his eyes, and this time she squeezed his hands. “But I’m willing to give you the chance to make me believe it.”
Lipping curving and relief glinting in his eyes, Jax nodded, leaning forward to kiss her softly. “Thank you, Pippy. That means the world to me. And you won’t regret it, I swear.”
“I better not,” she murmured, leaning in to kiss him again.
The kiss was just starting to intensify again when he pulled back, muttering, “I forgot he was in here. He knows. I can see it in his eyes.”
Frowning, she looked around the room before turning back to him, putting her palm to his forehead. “Are you feverish all of a sudden? What are you talking about? What he?”
“Your dog,” he said, staring at where Snickers was lying on the floor, looking in their direction.
“And just what does he know?” she asked, arching an eyebrow.