Rafe leaned over and gave her a quick, deep kiss before handing her another carrot stick. ‘Too hard on yourself, perhaps.’
‘Maybe. It’s something I’ve never been able to talk about with anyone else before.’ She palmed her glass of wine and watched him cook. ‘You’re a good listener. And a good person, you know that?’
Rafe placed the steaks on the grill. ‘Careful, I’ll get a big head.’
‘You don’t like me saying that.’ She tilted her head as she studied him. ‘Why not?’
‘I suppose I’m not used it. It wasn’t something I heard growing up.’
‘Your parents never told you that you were a good person?’
‘My father and I never saw eye to eye. He told me he’d disown me if I didn’t follow his rules.’
‘But that’s awful.’
‘He was hard on all of us. We got used to it.’ Rafe shrugged off her sympathy. He never let himself indulge in weak emotions like sympathy and need. ‘Do you eat mushrooms?’
‘Yes.’ She frowned thoughtfully. ‘I do remember hearing he was often upset with you, but you were always blamed for any issues that came up.’
Rafe laughed, turning the steaks. ‘Often I deserved it.’ He gave her his trademark smile, but somehow it felt false. ‘I enjoyed riling my father by getting into scraps I shouldn’t have.’
‘At least he didn’t actually follow through on the threat. I can’t imagine how you would have felt if he’d actually disowned you.’
‘I have no doubt that he would have, had he lived. Do you want your potatoes salted?’
‘Yes, fine,’ she dismissed with a wave of her hand. ‘And your mother? She didn’t tell you that you were a good person either?’
Wondering how the topic of conversation had turned from her to him so neatly, Rafe frowned. He had already told Alexa more about himself than he’d told anyone else and now he was flooded with memories he’d rather forget.
‘My mother had her own problems,’ he said tonelessly. ‘Namely my father. They were always at each other’s throats about something or other and I’m not sure she noticed any of us most of the time. She left when I was ten.’
He placed the steaks and potatoes on a plate and dressed the salad.
‘Ten?’
He saw the sympathy on Alexa’s face and his gut clenched. He still remembered waking up the morning after his mother had stolen out of the palace like a thief in the night, never to return. He’d come to terms with his childhood loss a long time ago. Come to terms with the fact that his mother lived the life of a recluse now, and rarely saw anyone.
‘Did you see her often after she left?’
‘No. She moved to Europe and Jag, Milena and I stayed in Santara. She didn’t want us to go with her. She wanted a clean break, to be able to make a fresh start with her life.’
‘But how could a mother do that?’
‘Not all women are maternal, Princess.’ He held two plates up with a flourish. ‘Let’s eat.’
* * *
Alexa was so shocked by Rafe’s revelations about his childhood that she didn’t know where to put the information.
According to stories she had heard about her own mother, she had been kind and compassionate, and Alexa would give anything to have memories of her, whereas Rafe sounded like he’d give anything not to have memories of his.
Her heart went out to him as a young boy stuck in a volatile household. Hers hadn’t been overly warm, her father often a distant figure, but she’d never doubted his love for her.
‘But what about Milena and Jaeger?’ she asked, following him to the table. ‘Did it bring you closer to them?’ Because she had always run to Sol when she’d felt down, and she missed him terribly now that he was gone.
‘Yes and no. Milena was extremely young when our mother left and she needed a lot of support. Jag was away at boarding school.’ He set their wine glasses on the table. ‘I hope you’re hungry.’
She was starving but she didn’t care about food. ‘Do you ever talk about it with Jag or Milena?’ she prodded.