It was just because she’d never been faced with it before. That was it. Neither she nor Heath had ever brought anyone home to meet the family. They both dated, but it was an abstract concept that wasn’t waved in her face like a red cape in front of a bull.
“I know you were listening in on my conversation.”
She took a deep breath and shrugged. “Not really, but it was hard to ignore with all that mushy sweetheart nonsense.”
The corners of Heath’s mouth curled in amusement. “What’s the matter, Jules? Are you jealous?”
“Why on earth would I be
jealous?” she scoffed. “We’re married, but it doesn’t really mean anything. You’re free to do what you want. I mean, if I wanted you, I could’ve had you, so obviously, I wouldn’t be jealous.”
“I don’t know,” Heath said, his brow furrowing. “Maybe you’re starting to regret your decision.”
“Not at all.”
She said the words too quickly, too forcefully, and saw a flash of pain in Heath’s light hazel eyes. It disappeared quickly, a smile covering his emotions the way it always did. Humor was his go-to defense mechanism. It could be maddening sometimes.
“You seem very confident in your decision considering you still haven’t filed for divorce after all this time. Are you sure you want rid of me? Actions speak louder than words, Jules.”
“Absolutely certain. I’ve just been too busy building my career to worry about something that seems so trivial after all this time.”
Heath’s jaw flexed as he considered her statement for a moment. He obviously didn’t care for her choice of words. “We’ve never really talked about it. At least not without yelling. Since it’s so trivial, care to finally tell me what went wrong? I’ve waited a long time to find out.”
Julianne closed her eyes and sighed. She’d almost prefer his heated pursuit to the questions she couldn’t answer. “I’d really rather not, Heath. What does it matter now?”
“You left me confused and embarrassed on my wedding night. Do you know how messed up it was to take my clothes off in front of a girl for the first time and have you react like that? It’s ego-crushing, Jules. It may have been more than a decade ago, but it still matters.”
Julianne planted her hands on her hips and looked down at the floor. This was no time for her to come clean. She couldn’t. “I don’t have anything more to tell you than I did before. I realized it was a mistake. I’m sorry I didn’t correct it until that inopportune time.”
Heath flinched and frowned at her direct words. “You seemed happy enough about it until then.”
“We were in Europe. Everything was romantic and exciting and we were so far from home I could forget all the reasons why it was a bad idea. When faced with...” Her voice trailed off as she remembered the moment her panic hit her like a tidal wave. He was obviously self-conscious enough about her reaction. How could she ever explain to him that it wasn’t the sight of his naked body per se, but the idea of what was to come that threw her into a flashback of the worst day of her life? She couldn’t. It would only hurt him more to know the truth. “When faced with the point of no return, I knew I couldn’t go through with it. I know you want some big, drawn-out explanation as though I’m holding something back, but I’m not. That’s all there is to it.”
“You are so full of crap. I’ve known you since we were nine years old. You’re lying. I know you’re lying. I just don’t know what you’re lying about.” Heath stuck his hands in his pockets and took a few leisurely steps toward her. “But maybe I’m overthinking it. Maybe the truth of the matter is that you’re just selfish.”
He might as well have slapped her. “Selfish? I’m selfish?” That was great. She was lying to protect him. She’d left him so he could find someone who deserved his love, but somehow she was selfish.
“I think so. You want your cake and you want to eat it, too.” Heath held out his arms. “It doesn’t have to be that way. If you want me, I’m right here. Take a bite. Please,” he added with emphasis, his gaze pinning her on the spot and daring her to reach out for him.
Julianne froze, not certain what to do or say. Part of her brain was urging her to leap into his arms and take what he had to give. She wasn’t a scared teenager anymore. She could indulge and enjoy everything she couldn’t have before. The other part worried about what it would lead to. Her divorce attorney’s number was programmed into her phone. Why start something that they were on the verge of finishing for good?
“Maybe this will help you decide.” Heath’s hands went to her waist, pulling her body tight against him. Julianne stumbled a bit, colliding with his chest and placing her hands on his shoulders to catch herself. Her palms made contact with the hard wall of muscle she had seen so many times the last few days but didn’t dare touch. The scent of his shower-fresh skin filled her nose. The assault on her senses made her head swim and her skin tingle with longing to keep exploring her newfound discovery.
She looked up at him in surprise, not quite sure what to do. His lips found hers before she could decide. At first, she was taken aback by the forceful claim of her mouth. This was no timid teenager kissing her. The hard, masculine wall pressed against her was all grown up.
In their youth, he had never handled her with less care than he would a fragile piece of pottery. Now, he had lost what control he had. And she liked it. They had more than a decade of pent-up sexual tension, frustration and downright anger between them. It poured out of his fingertips, and pressed into her soft flesh, drawing cries of pleasure mingled with pain in the back of her throat.
Matching his ferocity, she clung to his neck, pulling him closer until his body was awkwardly arched over hers. Every place he touched seemed to light on fire until her whole body burned for him. She was getting lost in him, just as she had back then.
And then he pulled away. She had to clutch at the countertop to stay upright once his hard body withdrew its support.
His hazel eyes raked over her body, noting her undeniable response to his kiss. “So what’s it going to be, Jules? Are the two of us over and done? Decide.”
There were no words. Her brain was still trying to process everything that just happened. Her body ached for him to touch her again. Her indecisiveness drew a disappointed frown across his face.
“Or,” he continued, dropping his arms to his side, “do like you’ve always done. A big nothing. You say you don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to have me, either. You can’t have it both ways. You’ve got to make up your mind, Jules. It’s been eleven years. Either you want me or you don’t.”
“I don’t think the two of us are a good idea,” she admitted at last. That was true. They weren’t a good idea. Her body just didn’t care.