People always say that when you’re in love with someone, sex means so much more and being eighteen and naïve about the world, I thought it was all bullshit…that was until I was with Rivers.
It was more than I could have expected. I still think about that night. In fact, it surfaces into my brain more often than it should. The very next day, he broke my heart and that’s the day that I realized that I could never fully trust him again despite how terribly in love with him I was.
Following that, I wasn’t with him again until he had returned from his first part of training with the military. Just like the first time, it was amazing. He has this way of making me feel things that I’ve never felt with other men. Either it’s because of our history and the way we love each other, or he has some wicked tricks in the bedroom that other men need to be reading up on.
I realize way too late that my ass has been pushing back into his incredibly hard junk and my hips fly forward before he wakes up and assumes I was trying to get lucky. After all, that train of thought in his mind can only mean failure for me. If he comes at me like that, I won’t be able to resist him. Tasting his lips on mine last night was almost enough to kill me. I don’t know what I’d do if it was anything else I was tasting.
Get a grip, Tully!
Looking back over my shoulder, I take in his sharp jaw and trail my eyes up to his. He’s still fast asleep, but after his time in the Military, I don’t doubt that even the softest whisper from me would have him on his feet, standing at attention…you know, the other kind of standing at attention. He’s already got the first kind mastered and damn, it certainly felt bigger than what I remember.
I slip out from under his arm and creep out of bed, trying not to wake him. I’m sure the past four years have been hard for him and after what he’s been through, he deserves all the sleep he can get.
To be honest, I’m not entirely surprised to find him in my bed. When I asked him to stay until I fell asleep, I knew there was a good chance that he wouldn’t leave and I think last night, a piece of me wanted him to stay. All I could think about was the story he told me of growing up with his father and I needed nothing more than to be held in his strong arms.
I didn’t consider what this morning would be like waking up with him, I didn’t consider anything. All I wanted was to be close with him and I knew he’d give me that, no questions asked.
A piece of my soul died when he told me of the horrors he’d been through growing up and something tells me that’s only the beginning. I haven’t worked out if I’m better not knowing or if I need to get it all out of him. Telling me seemed like the hardest thing he’s ever done, that he’d have preferred to be out fighting a war than sitting in my car spilling all the details from his past, but afterward, it was as though he was a new person. The weight of those horrors lifted off his shoulders and it felt incredible to be the one to help him do that. But the question is if I can handle hearing more. It nearly killed me last night, but I liked what it did for him.
I stand at the end of my bed, slipping my feet into my slippers as I watch him sleep. He agreed to stay until I fell asleep and I have a feeling that he truly meant it, so why is he still here?
Samuel Rivers is not a patient man and I’d bet my last cent that he tried to leave. Just as he tried to give me my space, but ended up bombarding me at work. I don’t think it’s physically possible for him to stay away, but the fact that he’s trying until his patience runs out speaks volumes.
Next time he tells me ‘The ball is in your court, I’ll leave it to you to make the next move’ I’ll know better and realize that what he’s actually telling me is, ‘I’ll hover close by until I think you’ve had enough time to think it over and when I deem myself just about to go insane, then I’ll come and make the decision for you.’
Some things never change but for some reason, I’ve always found his over the top, domineering, alpha douchebaggery the biggest fucking turn on and to be honest, I absolutely love it.