But nooo. Instead, I broke the fuck down and panicked like a little bitch. I fell right into his arms and instead of acting like the warrior queen that I’ve so clearly pictured, I acted like a lovesick puppy who has been starved of emotion.
Poor Spencer. No wonder he lost it. I would have too if the roles were reversed. The whole night he had to sit back and watch me pine over the guy I never even dated. He’s the guy Spencer has tried over and over again to help me forget, but it’s as though the task is impossible. Rivers is engraved on my heart. He’s there for all eternity and that’s something I’ve had to come to terms with time and time again.
I need to make it right, but first…I need a shower.
Pushing off my bed, I struggle to keep myself on my feet. My body is begging me to fall back into the warm sheets and try again tomorrow, but too much has happened. I need to deal with this today.
I find my purse on the end of my bed and hear the familiar beeping of missed calls and texts from inside it. I grab my purse and struggle to open it before quickly realizing that this is going to be my day.
I eventually get my phone and find three texts from Henley, a missed call from Noah, four missed calls from Spencer, and a voice mail. It’s then I check the time. It’s after three in the afternoon. No wonder my phone has been blowing up.
I start with the texts.
Henley – Are you ok? You were a bit of a mess last night.
Henley – What’s going on? Call me when you’re up.
Henley – Don’t tell me you’re going to sleep the day away? You better not be ignoring me or I’m going to make you pay, bitch!
Damn. I quickly hash out a response.
Tully – I’m fine. Just woke up. I think you and I need to have a chat about last night. Maybe you can fill in all the blanks.
Henley – How many blanks are there?
Tully – Basically the whole reception.
Henley – Shit. Ok, Noah and I will come around for dinner. We can talk before we head out to Italy tomorrow morning.
Tully – K, but you better bring take out. There’s no way that I’m cooking!
Henley – Figured!
Next up; the voicemail.
Not having the energy to hold my phone up at my ear, I hit speakerphone and crash down onto my desk chair. Spencer’s voice comes through the line a moment later and the sound crushes me. He’s devastatingly broken.
“Babe, it’s me. I just…I’m sorry. Look things were said last night and I was drunk, and I…can we talk? Where are you? I went to your apartment, but you weren’t there. Just…shit. Just tell me you’re not with him? Babe, I’m so sorry.”
Well, that wasn’t exactly fun to listen to.
Anger pulses through me. How dare he assume I just climbed into bed with Rivers? Surely he knows I have a little more class than that. We’ve been together for three years now and I’ve never once been unfaithful to him. Just because Rivers is back, that doesn’t mean that’s going to change.
Well, at least I hope it hasn’t already. My night was foggy and I’m sure I said things that I’ll regret the second I remember them. But Rivers is a good guy. He would respect the fact that I’m with Spencer, so if I tried something, I’m sure he would have shut it down. Well, I hope he would have shut it down.
Over the past three years, I’ve respected what Spencer and I have, but last night he was a possessive, jealous ass, and he’s right; we do need to talk. But not right now. I can’t handle that right now.
I send him off a quick text so he’s not worrying and to keep him off my back for a while.
Tully – I slept at mom and dad’s place. I’ll be home in an hour then we can talk. K?
Spencer – Ok, babe. Glad you’re alright. I love you.
Tully – Love you too xx
As I send the last text, something stirs within me. It’s never felt right telling Spencer that I love him when I know deep down that there’s really only one man I’ve ever truly loved, but I’ve had so much pressure from everyone telling me how I should feel about him. Saying that Spencer is the perfect boyfriend and that I’m a fool for not taking things further with him.
I know it’s not right and it’s not fair to him, but I don’t want to hurt him. He has stood by my side for the past four years and I owe him so much. Don’t get me wrong, I do love him. When I was seeing the world in black and white, he brought a little color back into my life. He gave me life when I was about ready to give up, but the love I feel for him is nothing compared to what I once felt for Rivers, and I think Spencer knows it.