Avoidance. The key to mak
ing a woman think she’s won the battle, when in reality, I just couldn’t be bothered dealing with it.
“There, you happy?” I bark, waiting for her to gloat.
She doesn’t and instead avoids my gaze again. Her face, as easy as it is to read, looks melancholy, even pained. The sadness in her eyes shadows her normally vibrant self. Something’s troubling her. And if I’m thinking clearly, it must have something to do with Jess. She still loves him.
Bits of yesterday come flooding back. He told her he still loved her. And if memory serves me correctly, she didn’t push him away. She allowed that kiss.
You were there through it all. You know how much she loved him, even after he hurt her. You were there throughout their entire relationship. You saw the ups but mainly the downs.
And, you know Zoey very well.
She’s hurting because she still wants him.
I don’t ask. I have no interest in finding out the truth. Instead, I pick up my sore ego and carry on reminding myself I’m not who she wants.
I’m not who she loves.
And why, out of everything that’s happened, is that the only thing I can think about?
Chapter Fifteen
Zoey
He has no clue whatsoever.
I don’t know what’s worse—the fact that he has no clue, oblivious to his actions that have changed the whole dynamic of our relationship, or if he does remember, how can we move forward from what’s happened?
Confused and way out of my depth, I finally confide in Gigi that Sunday morning. I woke up early not wanting to confront Drew. His heavy snores echo in his room, so I slip out, avoiding him completely.
Gigi’s reaction doesn’t surprise me one bit. She told me to watch out, questioning me relentlessly on whether or not it was worth damaging our friendship because of one night.
I struggle to admit to her and myself, that last night not only changed things between us, but it also changed the way I feel about him. And finally, I admit I see Drew in a different light.
A light that’s painted with roses, romance, and all that mushy stuff I never expected to feel for my roomie.
And the worst part—he has no idea.
No idea how his touch ignited me.
No idea how I tried to pull away but just couldn’t.
No idea I can’t look at him without wanting him.
I was able to catch up with Mia for a quick cup of coffee before they were due to fly out. Troy had organized their honeymoon on a remote island near the coast of Mauritius.
Mia was upset that her perfect wedding had drama not even related to her. I apologized a million times because, in the end, I hatched that stupid plan and it backfired in my face, big time.
I prayed that I hadn’t ruined our friendship, but Mia was forgiving, and with a honeymoon destination of a secluded resort on a tropical island, you could only move forward with a positive attitude.
With minimal sleep and a brain that won’t stop ticking, I run through the night over and over in my head. Stupid and idiotic don’t even cover how I feel about myself. I was so focused on getting Jess back I didn’t see what I was doing to myself and Drew.
I’m almost thirty years old and acting like a teenager. I have nothing to show for my life. No, I’m not suicidal, I won’t be that dramatic. But fuck, I have no idea how to untangle myself from the web of a mess I’ve somehow continued to create for myself.
Avoiding Drew allows me time to clear my head, but that only lasts so long. When he sends me a text asking me where I am, I know I can’t avoid him any longer, and so, I reluctantly make my way back to the apartment armed with shopping bags and a massive credit card bill.
I haven’t shopped in forever, yet all of sudden, I have the desire to update my wardrobe, especially my lingerie. And several times throughout my Victoria’s Secret binge, I shoved aside the nagging feeling I was doing this for someone else and not me.