“Did you just turkey slap me, Kate?”
“Please, like that’s the first time you’ve ever been slapped around the chops with a tallywhacker,” she laughed.
“Nothing like a good old turkey slap,” Emily piped in.
“Mom! I am not letting you drink, like ever!” Adriana cried.
“Adriana, you have to accept the fact that your dad and I are very sexually active. In fact, just the other day we bought this…”
“Lalalala…” Adriana covered her ears. No doubt Lex would have pulled the plug on this conversation a long time ago. I let the two of them get back to their family woes as I had a more important task ahead of me.
I whacked the piñata as hard as I could, but much to my disappointment, I barely made a dent in it. Eric was up next. He whacked the piñata like a maniac until it broke and white little fish-shaped candy flew out. Nikki, Jen and Adriana, in their intoxicated state, flung themselves onto the floor, fighting over the candy. Nikki yelled out, “I can swallow the most, have you seen my husband!” I cringed; I had seen her husband, gross.
“Okay, so I know you can’t drink BUT I know what will cheer you up,” Eric bellowed.
“What’s that?”
“I spiked all the ladies’ drinks with Viagra,” he admitted.
“E! What? Is there Viagra for women?”
“Yes, kinda…well, sorta.”
“Like everyone?”
“Well not you, silly, but yes, everyone else.”
“Emma?”
“Yep.”
“Emily, Debbie and my mom?”
“Ahh yep.”
He held out his palm and I high fived him before he ran back to the dance floor and joined them like the crazed lunatic he was, he wrestled the microphone off Adriana who was doing a rendition of Borderline. He announced the entertainment was here and, uncomfortably, I was forced to be center of attention. I wasn’t surprised one bit when strippers strutted their goods around me. These bulked up, hot (and I mean HOT) guys dressed in their fire gear. Holy shit, they were hot; not as hot as my man but I swear I could see Eric’s drool hit the ground. Nikki was bouncing around like she had ants in her pants. Emma was long gone; often she would yell out comments like “fuck you Michael and your mafia whores!” Gosh, I so needed to find out what the hell that was about.
Emily was whistling really loud and Debbie and my mom grabbed champagne, each drinking straight from the bottle.
At this point I wanted to grab my confiscated cell to text Lex and say I had nothing to do with this, but knowing Rocky, there was probably pussy galore parading in front of them right now, so I didn’t feel so bad.
Eric was in man heaven, groping the stripper’s butt who surprisingly didn’t flinch at Eric’s touch. Okay, so that kinda killed my buzz; they were gay. Bulls and Jen didn’t seem to care, though, and they were at it hammer & tongs, tugging on the g-strings trying to peek inside. They soon grew impatient and the strippers went the full monty. So here’s the thing: a naked man is standing in front of you, and much like the giant elephant in the room, you can’t help but look at it. Times that by three and I swear I felt like I was in a zoo. I could have sworn they were looking at me, the penises, that is. Is that even a word? Plural penis? God, I felt so dirty.
Bulls was rubbing her body up against the blond stripper, his semi-hard cock impossible to ignore. A loud bang forced me to look away. What the hell? Rocky had fallen to the ground in the backyard outside the pink cubby house and the shadows of what looked like others disappeared into the dark. He yelled her name and she laughed at a very pissed off Rocky. I knew somewhere Lex stood watching us; I didn’t know where, but I felt him. His stare on me, I knew he wouldn’t show his face, but if Rocky was here then so was he. I smiled because I wished that if he was looking at me right now he could sense how much I missed him and how the next two hours seemed like a lifetime away. Behind the big oak tree I saw him, his silhouette and his gaze permanently fixed on mine. I winked, and watched as the silhouette of my beautiful man relaxed.
“I wish I had what you had,” Emma sighed as she stood beside me, looking at the stars.
“What’s going on, Em? Michael busting your chops?”
“Nope, the opposite. He doesn’t bust my chops about anything. He has his other skanks to worry about.”
I put my arm around her, trying to ease her pain. Men sucked.
“I’m sorry, Em, I didn’t realize Michael was like that. Plenty more cock in the coop.”
She giggled “Did Eric teach you that?”
“Who else,” I giggled as well.