“I don’t know about Nikki, but I... um, am meeting up with a friend for lunch.”
“Which friend?”
I didn’t work well under interrogation; I think sweat beads were forming on my forehead. Oh my god, that means I’ll need to get another facial! My T-Zone was so high maintenance.
“A friend of my brother’s.”
“But you hate your brother.”
“I don’t hate him, Charlie, I just think he is a thirty year old geek that needs to be taught how to get laid and maybe then he could hold a conversation with me.”
“Well, I offered to do him. Remember last year at your parents’ Christmas party? He may be a geek, Eric, but he is a hot one. Glasses and all.”
“Lex would so kill you for saying that.”
She laughed “Probably, but don’t you worry about him. I’ve got him whipped and at my feet.”
“He would definitely kill you for saying that and when you say ‘feet’ do you mean he is a toe sucker” I asked. Yep, there was my no filter again.
“Oh E…” she kissed me on th
e cheek. “Have fun with your secret lunch date and for the record, Lex loves everything.” She winked before walking out of the room.
…
Nikki and I sat at the table as she ordered a long island iced tea. The waiter was cute, so as he walked away I leaned my head out to check his ass. Hmmm, a little too wobbly for my liking. Since we had time to kill, I brought up the subject of Miguel because I needed to bitch about it and, let’s face it, he was great apart from the whole funky spunk thing.
“I mean it was that bad, I had to use a god damn chicken rag beside his bed to spit it out in. Thank god it was in the dark, I don’t think he noticed.”
“Look Eric, I’m telling you. Wheat grass is the trick,” Nikki said.
“What am I gonna say, Nikki? Hey, have a shot of wheatgrass juice so I don’t have to feel like I’m swallowing expired milk?” I asked.
“No. You need to go to one of those health bars. Suggest it and mind you, they do taste like shit, but you’ll need to have one too.”
“But my jizz is fine!”
“Okay, I’m not even going to ask how you know that but the reason I suggested that was so you both were doing it and won’t look like you are targeting him.”
“Oh, right, I get ya. So, what, Rocky has bad spunk?” I joked.
“Please, my man tastes just fine. Like sweet candy juice if you care to know.”
“Yeah, TMI. That guy’s a tank. He must jizz a bucket load.”
“It’s about quality, Eric, not quantity.”
Lex arrived which halted that conversation. As usual he looked like sex on legs; I mean I totally get why Charlie is hooked on him. He was like some walking sex god; women around him almost swooned in his presence. Except for Nikki, I swear that woman had one wound up cooch when it came to Lex.
“Good afternoon, Eric, Nikki.” He sat down motioning for the waiter to come over.
“No offense, Lex, but I’ve seen you practically bang my best friend in front of a group, a ‘Hey, what’s up’ will be fine…”
“Duly noted,” he responded with a nervous laugh.
He seemed fidgety, very unlike him. He remained silent for a few moments, like he was thinking about what to say. I didn’t mind, it gave me more time to look at him. Geez he had great lips. I bet he soooo goes down on Charlie like every day; that’s why she’s got that damn glow. I wonder if she showers beforehand? I mean I’m no vagina expert but don’t things get all stuck up in there? Fuck, seriously – vag talk is grossing me out.
“What do you want, Edwards? Well apart from hogging our best friend to satisfy your sexual gratification?” Nikki asked.