“I checked her temperature about an hour ago. Back to normal,” he whispers.
“Good,” I say, keeping my voice low.
“I’m going to miss you.”
I still my movements, the smile disappearing from my face. “Where are you going?”
His eyes open wide, confused with a fixed smile. “I have a work conference up in Portland. Remember? I’ll be gone for the rest of the week. But we agreed you’d fly up this weekend with the girls for the launch party.”
So many questions wrack my brain at this moment, but his already curious gaze warns me to keep my mouth shut. I remain silent, staring at the ceiling, trying to think of ways to gain the details of this trip without him being suspicious.
Noah keeps his tone low to avoid Jessa waking up.
“What’s wrong with you lately? You’re always in a daze.” He grazes my cheek with his hand, furrowing his brows, concern etched in his eyes. “Are you sure you’re not pregnant? I mean, it won’t be a bad thing, you know I want more kids.”
“But I don’t want more kids,” I blurt out, remembering the countless conversations where Morgan would complain about this repetitive argument. “I mean, you know, Michael and Jessa are exhausting.”
Almost instantly, he retracts his hand, his expression turning bleak. “Can we not have this argument again?” The tone of his voice escalates, causing Jessa to stir. “Our marriage is not all about you, Morgan. Fuck!”
He hops out of bed, disappearing to the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.
Feeling vulnerable, I can’t help but sympathize with my sister. She already had two children, two very active children, who both needed attention. Plus, working for me is long hours, not to mention I’m one hell of a demanding, selfish bitch.
I know she enjoys it, despite all her complaints about never being able to take holidays, but when it comes to her job, Morgan’s always one hundred percent committed.
Another baby would definitely throw a spanner into the works.
Noah spends the morning barely acknowledging my presence before kissing my cheek and leaving the house with a suitcase in tow.
Today will be all about Jessa and me.
Since Morgan’s out of town, I decide to work from home making it easier for Jessa to play around me and in the backyard.
We’ve started to form a bond, but there’s no doubt that this mother gig is hard work. I have a new sense of appreciation for mothers. No one could have prepared me for the constant worry which comes from being responsible for a child.
By day two, Noah hasn’t called, and I feel incredibly guilty for our fight.
What do I care anyway?
Whatever! This life I’ve been thrown into, I have no clue how long it will last, so I need to take the good and ignore the future.
I miss him but have no way of telling him that. Our text messages are strained, and he’s pulled away.
In a desperate last attempt, I decide to visit our so-called marriage counselor.
“The last time you saw me, you were here with Noah. What brings you here alone?”
Dr. Callan is sitting across from me in a green velvet chair with her notepad resting on her lap. According to the receptionist, this is my third visit.
“We got into a fight about more children, and he left town for work, so we’re barely speaking to each other.”
“Does that surprise you? After all, you have voiced your strong desire not to have any more children.”
“Have I?”
She scan’s her notes, flicking a page back. “Yes. In fact, this was a driving factor in you sending Noah divorce papers three months ago. You felt that he controlled your marriage and your career. Your career means everything to you, and you don’t feel he’s supportive, rather demanding you be a stay-at-home mother.”
“I do feel that way…” I mumble.