“More like slurping on your lady door.”
“Eww, E, did you just say ‘slurping on my lady door?’”
“Well, he was, wasn’t he? Don’t deny it, girl. You’ve been tapping his ass nonstop since then, I can tell.”
“How on earth can you tell that?”
“You’re walking funny… kinda lopsided. My guess is that you are getting some back-door action as well.”
“Eric!” she gasped.
The manicurist snickered, which caused Charlie to turn bright red. It was so true. I had a radar on people who had just gotten laid. Plus, I could smell sex like a mile away. Hmm, maybe this was my gift.
“Not in front of the…” she continued to spell out the word manicurist.
“Um, Charlie, you know they can spell, right? So, how was it, and how big is he? My guess is huge ‘cause you haven’t worn your really high pumps all week.”
“Holy shit, Eric, do you have some sort of sex radar? His size is… well, it’s… perfect.”
“Damn, girl, you got it bad.”
“I do not!”
“I mean, not even I have found a perfect one. Some were small, some were big, some leaned to the left, some leaned to the right, and there were some that were so covered in bush you couldn’t even find it if you sent a search party with heavy-duty torches and a hedge trimmer—” I continued on as she cut me off.
“Okay, okay, I get it. You haven’t found the right one. Can you please not go on about large bushes? I want to maintain an appetite for tonight’s dinner.”
“You’re the birthday girl…” Smirking, I went back to reading the magazine next to me, issue date December 2009.
It’s times just like this that I miss already. I don’t know if they will still happen. She’s gotten back with the love of her life, has a full-time sex schedule on top of being pregnant. I don’t know why it gets to me so bad. I should just talk to her, right? I mean she is my BFF. I confide everything to her, but what about now? This is way too much thinking for a Sunday. Thank God, Kate agrees to hit up Barney’s when we get back into the city later today. Retail therapy is just what I need.
“Do you think things will change now?”
“How so?” Kate asks as she tries on a red strapless dress but gives up trying to squeeze her boobs into it when she realizes she has no chance in hell of zipping it up.
“With Lex and Charlie…”
“Well, of course. I mean they have each other, they are practically moving in together, and hello, they’re having a baby. Plus, holy shit, can you believe they got married!”
“But do you think Charlie will still, you know… hang out with us?”
In a huff, she pulls the dress off, standing there in only her lacy purple thong and matching bra. “Eric, what’s going on?”
I hesitate, which is unlike me. I always have something to say. I’ve been told on numerous occasions that I have no filter, like none whatsoever, but Kate hasn’t known me that long, and she doesn’t know this is out of character.
“I just… you know, she’s my best friend. I don’t want to lose her,” I shamelessly say, my head bowed, trying to understand why this gets to me so much.
“Doll, look at me?”
I glance up, Kate staring at me with this look of pity on her face, but goddamn, seriously, she has a great pair of tits. I mean like Halle Berry great.
“Are those real?” I ask, sidetrack.
“What? Yes! And I don’t mean look at my tits. Eric, Charlie treasures her friendships. Yes, life is changing but for the better. She’ll always be in your life.”
“I guess. Can I touch them to make sure?”
“Wait, you’re serious. Are you sure you aren’t straight?”