This moment cements what our marriage has become. And in the dark of the night, the truth unfolds, and I have nothing left in me to fight. There is only one way to carry on, and only one way to stop the hurt and pain killing me slowly, I have to serve him with divorce papers.
For the sake of our daughter, I can’t allow our toxic marriage to affect how we raise her in this world.
I wake the next morning to find him at the breakfast table with Amelia sitting in her highchair. They are laughing, and I can’t help but notice how happy he is, his eyes sparkling again, but the moment he sees me standing in the doorway, his demeanor changes. He becomes cold and distant. If I knew what I had done, then this would be easier to deal with, but like every time we have been in the same room, the sharp knife is stabbing me every which way I turn, the bleeding impossible to stop.
“I have the black-tie event tonight for my firm. Will you still be able to make it?”
“I said I would, didn’t I?” he responds coldly.
Refusing to entertain his behavior toward me, I work in silence, void of emotion as I pack my things for the day. Emily offers to take Amelia early as there will be no chance for me to stop at all.
With Amelia resting on my hip as I carry her, I lace her bag over my shoulder, grabbing my keys without a goodbye.
The drive to Emily’s house is only fifteen minutes, and during that time, I crank the radio up without disturbing Amelia and immerse myself in the music until they switch to a ballad, forcing me to turn it off. I don’t need a reminder on love, nor the cruel reality when someone breaks your heart.
“Here’s my girl!” Emily removes her from the car, carrying her in her arms with a proud smile.
“Everything is in her bag. I’ll pick her up first thing tomorrow morning.”
“Charlie,” Emily says, her smile disappearing. “I can take her for longer to give you time.”
I shake my head, pursing my lips.
“I don’t need time, Emily, what I need is a husband.”
Emily knows well enough not to continue this conversation with me. It isn’t just me Lex hurt with his actions. His parents are feeling the blow of them as well.
I kiss Amelia goodbye before jumping back into the car and making the tedious trip to the office.
The day flies by rather quickly, and I find myself on my feet. Last-minute details need confirming, and the party planner has some catering issue which I make her sort out. Eric’s excitement becomes rather annoying, reading out the guest list to me as celebrities accept their invites. Our tables are completely sold out, and although I should be proud of this achievement, inside I am dead.
With an hour to go before I have to head home to meet a stylist and change, I sit at my computer staring at the document.
For the past few weeks, I have lived in denial, replaying our entire marriage in my head to understand exactly where it went wrong. Ultimately, Elijah’s death had a ripple effect, but it’s one thing not to have intimacy in a marriage and another to be looked at by your own husband with defiance like this is somehow all my fault.
This quickly turns into anger.
Lex continues to act like a jerk, and no matter what I do, it’s never right. My emotion turns heavy with blame, rage, and cynically dissecting events in our marriage.
I suppress my anger which leads to hostile and vindictive decisions like the night at the bar. We were both hurting but for two different reasons, and our relationship turned into a complete disconnect.
I love Lex and always will, but this pain is unbearable, and for the sake of our daughter, a decision needs to be made.
Saving the document onto the server, I shut down and head home to get ready for tonight.
***
Standing in front of the mirror, I gaze at my reflection. The dress I’m wearing is black, couture Dior, stunningly beautiful with a bustier top and ethereal skirt.
The stylist works wonders with my hair and makeup, using a dramatic ruby red lipstick to accentuate my lips. My hair is curled and styled toward the side, showcasing the Tiffany pendant Lex gave me.
Touching the pendant with my fingertips, I swallow the giant lump inside my throat, willing the hurt to disappear if only for tonight. Aside from my wedding band, I don’t need a reminder of a time in my life when he promised me the world. And so, I remove the necklace and replace it with a diamond heirloom my grandmother gave me before she passed away.
The event starts in one hour, and his tux still hangs waiting for him to come home. His phone rings out several times when I tried to call, but he doesn’t text or call me back, so I leave with a heavy heart, trying to make sense of how I can put on a façade tonight without everyone thinking something is wrong.
“Charlie!” Eric calls out, his sun-kissed tan looking fabulous against his tux.
“Hey, E.” I manage to smile.