“Just keeping busy, you know?”
It isn’t a lie—how I wish it was.
I find myself twiddling my thumbs, waiting for Lex to come home. I can even count the times he’s been home in the past two weeks. Nikki knows me well enough to know what’s happening. One look at me, and she knows I’m falling apart.
“Charlie, if you want to keep busy, you should check out the fresh meat at that new hot club on Sunset Boulevard,” Eric chimes in as he takes a sip of his mimosa.
“Fresh meat? Thanks to you, I can no longer enjoy a good bratwurst,” Kate complains.
“I only referred to Karl as a bratwurst once… you know, that German dog-walking guy.”
“Wait… who the hell is the German dog-walking guy?” Nikki interrupts.
I let out a laugh, a momentary welcomed distraction from all my worries as I sit around my friends, enjoying, just for a moment, how things used to be. But like always, a moment of happiness will always be overshadowed by the chain wrapped around my neck dragging me down.
“Do you not read my status updates? Honestly, Nikki… even Rocky knows about Karl!”
“Eric, I don’t have time to troll Facebook like you and my husband. So, explain… in proper English, please, not Eric English.”
“Okay, so one of our clients, a well-known actress, has a dog walker. She owns three Shih Tzus and two Bulldogs. Karl refers to them as Bullshits…” Eric roars at his own joke, and Kate and I soon follow. I have to admit it’s hilarious.
“So, anyway, Karl gets paid to walk her dogs every day. He just moved here from Germany, land of the sausage, and well… I blew him in the pool house while the dogs were taking dumps all over her newly manicured lawns.”
Kate bursts out laughing, accidentally knocking over her water. I stand to grab some paper towels, barely able to control my own laughter for a moment.
“Eric, I don’t even know where to begin with this story. So, I’m guessing the reference to the bratwurst is because he is thick and juicy?” Nikki licks her lips, shooting one of her seductive looks at Kate and me. I roll my eyes at her. For someone who has so much sex, I swear she acts like a deprived sixteen-year-old boy.
“I guess you could say that… too bad it’s served with a side of sauerkraut.” Eric pinches his nose.
Kate bangs her fist on the table, almost falling off her chair while Nikki, who is normally immune to Eric’s hilarity, breaks down laughing, and I just sit there enjoying my friends until a tear slides down my cheek. I’m a tough person, and I rarely break down, but this is my marriage in crisis.
Nikki is the first to notice. “Charlie, tell us what the hell is happening?”
She moves her chair closer and places her arms around me. Nervously, I play with the bands on my finger. The metal feels like it’s constricting my blood flow, and I yearn to take them off.
“I don’t know what the hell is going on in my marriage,” I blurt out.
Eric and Kate remain still.
Eric being the first one to open his non-filtered mouth. “Do you think Lex is having an affair?”
“Eric!” Kate and Nikki screech in unison.
“No, it’s okay, guys. Of course, it’s crossed my mind. When your husband barely looks at you let alone touches you, that’s automatically the first thing you think,” I mumble.
“Well, okay, let’s think about this for a sec. Kate, wouldn’t you know what he’s up to?” Eric knowingly asks the question, raising the topic of Montana Black, Lex’s new assistant. I ranted on several occasions about how perky she is, and when I say perky, I don’t just mean her personality. Eric Facebook stalks her and digs up whatever information he can. Nothing exciting, of course. Bottom line is that she’s spending more time with my husband than I am.
When I married Lex, I realized I had to find a way to restrain my jealousy because other people’s actions are not something I can control. Women make crude comments about him online and even in his presence. But at the end of the day, he chose to marry and love me.
Past tense, it feels like.
I have no idea how he feels about me now, but ‘love’ is something he’s not willingly showing me, more so the exact opposite.
“No… I don’t see his schedule anymore. I mean, I could if I really need to. Is that what you want me to do? I can hack into Montana’s schedule?” Kate worried, grabs her phone and begins typing a message.
“No, no, of course not. Listen, I’m probably just being paranoid. I’m sure it will sort itself out,” I say, not entirely sure who I’m trying to convince, them or me. The word ‘affair’ is ugly. I should know, after all, I was labeled a homewrecker many moons ago.
Is this karma being a fucking bitch?