“I’m scared,” I cry through small, strained sobs.
“I know, sweetie, but I promise you’ll be okay.”
“How do you know?”
“Because you’re my best friend, and you have to be.” She kisses my forehead with tears falling down her cheeks. Kate looks equally distraught but is attempting to smile, reassuring me everything’s going to be okay. Lex stands beside Kate and offers his kind words.
“It’ll be over before you know it, and you’ll be holding that beautiful baby of yours in your arms.” He smiles, looking somewhat nostalgic.
“Great, someone just got baby fever again,” Kate says as she rolls her eyes at him.
I manage to smile through my tears before their faces disappear down the hall.
There’s something to be said for being a patient in an operating room. It’s the most surreal out-of-body experience there is. The sterile walls and bright lights somehow create a calm before the storm. I’ve zoned out, only barely hearing the distant voices. Things are thrown over me and poke and prod me. When a contraction rocks me to the core, they warn me they are giving me an epidural, and the pain is suddenly washed away.
I want to smile.
I want to laugh and run through the fields, dancing and carefree.
What a fucking relief.
In a sea of calm, I stare into the light, blissfully dazed until the doors burst open, and the Jerk rushes in. The guards behind the surgeons are trying to catch him, and when the nurse figures out who he is, they give him a gown and mask and make him sanitize his hands. He is by my side so fast with bloodshot eyes surrounded by a thick black bruise. He looks a complete wreck.
The stale stench of alcohol lingers on his breath as he sits closer to me. Jesus, he is drunk.
“Really? This is how you welcome our child into the world? Drunk and covered in dried blood?” I whisper.
“It’s a long story.”
“We’ve got time. In case you haven’t noticed, I ain’t going anywhere anytime soon.”
“I don’t want to get into it now.”
“Why? Because Eloise is pregnant, too?” I spit back, accusing him in front of the entire medical team.
The anesthesiologist tries not to smile, but it’s obvious behind her mask. It doesn’t stop me from asking the questions the Jerk doesn’t want to answer.
“She’s not pregnant, okay? I don’t know why she told you all that,” he answers, sounding short-tempered. “We have a baby to bring into this world, so enough questions, Malone.”
“Well, you’re still a jerk, and your roses suck,” I mutter.
He doesn’t respond, focusing on what is happening behind the makeshift wall between my head and my stomach. At this moment, I notice his bloody shirt and split lip for the first time. He
grabs my hand and entwines his fingers with mine. It’s not the right moment to pull my hand away from his and start another argument. So, I wait and stare at the ceiling, avoiding his bruised and battered face and my bruised and battered ego.
There’s chatter, chaos, and anticipation around me. Time becomes fuzzy, and my eyes continue to watch the lights until the moment my heart jumps out my chest, singing a song of ecstasy. The moment the sound of my baby’s wail breaks the silence, and officially, we welcome a son into the world.
There is joy throughout the room, and I stretch my neck to see the wrinkly little baby lifted into the air, covered in goo. I am besotted and smiling through my tears at the beautiful sight. Moving my head to the left, I watch as they take him away to clean him up, rubbing him vigorously with a towel. Then the nurse wraps him up and calls Haden over. She hands him our son, and with a slow and careful pace, he walks over to me with a gentle smile and brings the baby closer, so I can study him properly.
I am in awe.
He is the epitome of beauty, and everything else in my life becomes insignificant because this little baby has completely stolen my heart.
“Say hello to Mommy,” Haden whispers, bringing the baby close to my face. I stare at him in astonishment, and I am desperate to touch him. I rub my nose along his cheek and smell his soft skin.
He has broken me but in a good way.
My ill feelings toward Haden wash away at this very moment because of my gratitude.