“I didn’t stalk you! But I have no idea who you are. So yes, Vicky stalked you and I may have listened but I want to point out that I resisted.”
I’m folding my arms like a petulant child as he continues to grin like he is winning this battle. Well, two can play at this game.
“Two Yorkshire terriers . . . really?” I tease.
“Harry Potter . . . really, Malone?”
“Wait.” I grin unwillingly. “You’ve stalked me?”
“I had no idea who you were.” His smile remains fixed. “Let’s see, aside from Harry Potter, you’re into swimming, extreme cleaning, and what’s the other thing . . . ?” He continues, “Oh, that’s right! You have an obsession with cats.”
“No, no,” I correct him. “I am not into cats. I just have a lot of crazy cat lady friends. Personally, becoming a crazy cat lady is my worst fear.”
He laughs with ease. “You’re too beautiful to be a crazy cat lady.”
Oh Kitty, sit the fuck down and don’t you dare say a word!
I respond quickly, “Didn’t you watch that episode of The Simpsons where they show how Crazy Cat Lady became just that? She was beautiful, graduated with a doctorate and a law degree, and then became so burnt out that she began drinking. She got one cat . . . then another . . . and so on.”
His expression remains fixed as he watches me in a curious yet heartwarming way.
“Why are you looking at me that way?”
“You’re cute when you’re quoting The Simpsons.”
“Um . . . thank you? So anyway, anyone can become a crazy cat lady.”
Continuing to swim circles around me, he appears to be unable to wipe the smirk off his face. I’m not quite sure what’s so funny, but the looming grey clouds followed by thunder in the distance divert my attention.
“Time to get out,” I suggest. “Plus, I’m hungry.”
“You just ate,” he points out, swimming beside me to the rock.
I walk out slowly and squeeze my dress to wring out the excess water. It’s an excuse to ignore his wet body right beside me. Bending down to grab his shoes, the muscles of his back tense, and boy oh boy did Kitty just wake up . . . again. With quick reflexes, he catches me looking and gives me a wink. Okay, what a jerky thing
to do. I let out a huff, then tell him to hurry his ass up.
We head back home to find that Gemma and Melissa have arrived early. Seeing the both of them makes me super excited. It’s been a while and I’ve missed their fun-loving ways so much.
Gemma is also known as the Chameleon in our family. The last time I saw her, she had black hair with streaks of blue. Today she’s rocking a new, shorter style dyed grey. People often said she looked like Dad. Which isn’t such a bad thing, unless she had inherited his beer gut. Thank God she didn’t.
“Lil’ sis!” She rushes up to me and squeezes me tight. I forgot to mention that she was only five feet tall, making her the shortest in our family. I hold onto her until she pulls away and rubs my belly till it bugs me, forcing me to swat her hands away.
“I can’t believe I’m going to be an auntie!” She hands me a green gift bag and I stare back at her, confused. “For the baby, silly.”
Finally catching on, I place my hand in the bag and pull out a white onesie. It’s tiny, and I mean one of my boobs could barely fit in there kind of tiny.
I hold the onesie up and read out the print. “My aunt is hotter than your aunt.”
Everyone around me laughs, and even though it’s lame, I laugh along with them.
Melissa pushes Gemma aside and reaches out her arms. I happily embrace her and she gently whispers in my ear, “He’s cute, Pres . . . real cute.”
No shit. That is half my problem. If he was drop dead ugly I wouldn’t be in this mess to begin with.
The obligatory introductions begin, and already Gemma has found something in common with the Jerk; they both love horror flicks (something I despise). We move into the living room and Gemma pops in a DVD. It’s something about a lunatic murdering people in some rural town. It’s gory, unpleasant, and by the time the second person is killed within ten minutes of the movie starting, I jump ship and escape to the kitchen where my sanity and will to live remain intact.
“Since you’re in here, how about you peel those potatoes for me?”