It was inevitable that Sawyer would have to know about my past. If
we continued seeing each other he’d have to know where I went three nights a week. If he needed me to babysit on a Monday, Wednesday or Friday, I couldn’t do it, and he’d want to know why.
And then there’s the whole ‘being your honest self’ thing. You might want to try that.
I looked over at Sawyer, devastating in black and white, and the inevitable felt impossible.
“God, you look…so handsome right now,” I said.
“Thank you…”
“I’m not kidding. Your mouth…God. You have the most beautiful mouth.”
Sawyer shook his head, laughing. “Okay, wow. Every time I think I’m used to how direct you are…”
“I’m not always direct. Not when it counts. But I’m very serious about your mouth. And when you kissed me…I’ve never been kissed like that before. I’ve never been smiled at by a man the way you’re smiling at me now. It’s almost too much.”
Sawyer’s smile froze on his face then wilted as tears filled my eyes.
“Darlene, what’s wrong?”
“It is too much.” I set my menu down. “This place. It’s too nice. Too much for you to spend on me.”
“It’s not…”
“It is, because…” The words choked my throat. “It’s not fair to you.”
Sawyer frowned. “What are you talking about? I want to be here with you. I want to spend money on you and—”
I shook my head vigorously, my tears falling faster now. “No. No, you shouldn’t. You work so hard and you take such good care of Livvie, and I’m just…I’m not what you think, and I’m sorry. This was a mistake. I’m so sorry, but I have to go. I have to…”
The waiter returned. “Are you ready to order?”
“No, I have to go.”
I rose to my feet, and my chair scraped loudly. Diners at other tables were looking at us. The waiter’s eyebrows rose.
“Darlene…” Sawyer leaned over the table. “What’s going on?”
“I can’t do this. It’s not right and I just… can’t.”
I grabbed for my purse on the back of the chair but the damn thing was snagged.
The nearby diners were snickering and murmuring now.
“No, no, it’s not him,” I said loudly. “It’s not him. He’s wonderful. He is…” I looked to Sawyer who was staring at me in a kind of mild shock. “You are, Sawyer. You’re wonderful, and I’m so sorry.”
I yanked my purse off, knocking my chair over, and stumbled out of the restaurant.
“Darlene, wait.”
Outside, I walked faster, my boots clopping on the cement, and then a hand closed around my arm.
“Darlene, come on.” Sawyer pulled me to a stop and turned me to look at him. “You’re scaring me. What just happened?”
“Nothing,” I said, and that was so obviously a lie, I cringed at my own cowardice. “I can’t tell you. I can’t. Please…I need to go.”
“No,” he said, his dark eyes hardening. “You need to tell me what the hell is going on.” His expression softened slightly. “Are you okay? Tell me.”