Amber Blake had flown at me at school the other day, her blue eyes lit up as she told me Miller had asked her to Homecoming. For a second, I thought she was joking; I couldn’t imagine Miller giving another girl the time of day. He hadn’t once in four years, since he’d met Violet.
I guess everyone has their breaking point.
“I have to try,” Miller said. “Maybe something could happen with Amber. Maybe if I gave her a chance, I could move on and be the friend Violet wants me to be.”
“Uh huh. Amber is a friend of mine. A real flesh-and-blood human. Not a blowup doll to take your frustrations out on.”
“Jesus, I know that.”
I sighed. “I know. You’re a good guy, too.”
“Try telling that to Vi.”
“She already knows. That’s why she’s fighting so hard. In her mind, things are either falling apart or they’re standing still. Never becoming something beautiful.” I turned my gaze to the field but in my mind, I was in my backyard, Ronan’s arm under my hands as I traced a line from his tattoo down to his wrist where his heartbeat pulsed. “She’s trying to hold the two of you still so you don’t fall apart.”
So she doesn’t fall apart. So things stay the same. So they don’t go deeper. So she doesn’t spend every waking moment wondering if
you’re okay and driving herself crazy with worry.
I gave myself a shake. Being indirect and wishy-washy wasn’t me. If I wanted to regain myself, I needed to be myself. I turned to face Miller. “You, Ronan, and Holden are friends now, right?”
“Yeah,” Miller said absently.
I plucked an invisible piece of lint off my loose-flowing linen pants. “Ronan’s been building a shed for me in our yard. My grandmother hired him from the want ads.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. He didn’t mention it?”
“Not a word. But that’s how he rolls.”
I nodded and irritably brushed a cluster of braids off my shoulder. “Well, he hasn’t been around the last few days…or at school. We have a monster paper coming up in History.”
Miller tore his gaze off Violet, his brows drawn down with concern. “He hadn’t been hanging with us either, lately. Then he shows up the other night with bruises on his arm and a pretty good shiner.”
My eyes widened, and suddenly my heart felt twice as heavy. “Bruises? From where?”
“Don’t know. His uncle, maybe.”
“God, do you think?”
Miller shrugged. “He won’t say.”
“Well, did you ask him?”
“Of course,” he said with a frown. “Holden and I both asked him. He told us to fuck off. That’s Ronan for you. When he doesn’t want to talk, he won’t.” Miller nudged my arm. “Hey. He’s okay.”
I realized I’d been gnawing my lower lip. “Good. I mean…what?”
“You just looked a little worried there for a second.”
I sat up straighter. “I’m not completely heartless.”
My voice quavered on that word, but Miller didn’t notice. He’d resumed his miserable vigil, watching Violet talk with River. The parade had ended and the preparations for the dance had begun.
“Let’s get out of here,” I said.
“Good idea,” he said grimly, and we made our way down the bleachers with the rest of the students and parents. “What about you? Going to the dance tonight?”