“Of course, you didn’t,” she said bitterly. “I’m surprised you haven’t joined a monastery by now. Or come out of the closet.”
I scrubbed a hand through my hair. For Amber, one of my many failings in our “relationship” was my refusal to have sex with her. But my heart and body belonged to someone else, and no matter how many days and weeks and months had piled up, that never changed.
Amber threw up her hands. “Hello? You can’t even break up with me without zoning out.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
“So this is it, huh? I’m shocked,” she said in a deadpan voice. “Shocked, I tell you. This is my shocked face.”
“Amber…”
“What happened? What was the final straw?”
“What do you mean?”
“Be serious. You always had one foot out the door. Getting you to spend time with me was nearly impossible, and when you did, you never wanted to mess around. You hardly ever kissed me unless you’d had a few beers. So? Why now?”
“I kissed someone else,” I said.
Amber’s jaw stiffened. “This story just gets better and better. Who?”
“Violet McNamara.”
“Just once? Or have you been cheating on me for a while?”
“Just once. Last night.”
But that wasn’t even true. I’d always been with Violet, since the day we met.
Amber was glaring at me. “You sure move fast, don’t you? But not fast enough. You should have broken up with me before you kissed another girl.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. It just happened. That’s no excuse. I put myself in the position…”
Wrapped around Violet. That’s my position. And I never want to leave.
“I’ve been an asshole.”
Amber sighed, some of the sharp aggression draining from her voice. “No, you haven’t. That’s just it. You’re actually a good guy trying to do the right thing. But we went too far Homecoming night, and you’ve been trying to make up for it since. I’m not stupid, you know. I know you felt roped in.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I wanted to try.”
“Try? Try me on for size? Like a girlfriend coat to see if I would fit?”
“No.”
Yes. Maybe.
“I liked you, Amber,” I said. “I do like you. But—”
“You love her.”
“Why do you think that?” I asked pathetically.
“I saw Evelyn’s vlog. Shiloh told me that Violet took the original video of you singing ‘All I’ll Ever Want.’ The way you looked at her when you sang it… That wasn’t for her, right? After Chance’s party, you never sang to me again.”
I hadn’t sung for Amber at Chance’s party either, but no sense in making things worse. I felt like shit enough as it was that I let this go on so long. A charade. An act so tedious, even Amber was tired of it.
“I’m sorry, Amber. I really am. For what it’s worth, I never meant to hurt you.”