I said nothing. In my experience, the only way to prepare for anything was to assume the worst. That night, I should have taken my own advice.
“Just be careful,” I said. “If it’s too much, tell them.”
Violet smiled. “I will.”
You won’t.
If River’s mom was terminal, Violet would stick with her to the end, no matter how much of a mental toll it took. And the bitch of it all was that she’d be in River’s house twice a week. I hated that jealousy gnawed at my guts when the poor guy’s mom might be dying, but I knew what would happen. Violet would Florence Nightingale her way into being more enamored with River Whitmore, and he’d fall in love with her compassion and bravery. How could he not?
It’s what I did.
Violet caught my dark expression. “I’m sorry I wasn’t assigned to you, but I’m glad you’ll have someone helping. Don’t give your PCV a hard time, okay?”
“Who, me?”
“I’m serious. I worry about you.”
“Don’t.”
Violet rolled her eyes. “Like that’s possible.” She tilted her head and stood up, took a step closer. I could smell her perfume and the soap she used in the shower. “You look a little pale, right now actually. Are you feeling low? Do you need a snack?”
“I don’t need a snack,” I practically shouted, making her flinch.
The song I’d come to sing for her felt stupid and incredibly selfish after the severity of her assignment. And how could I tell her what I felt while her thoughts were entirely filled with River?
My hands clenched the side of the desk until my knuckles ached. Anger at the Whitmores for ruining my plan simultaneously battled with feeling like shit for the tragedy unfolding in their lives.
So, I did the mature thing and took it out on Violet.
“Miller…?”
“I’m fine,” I bit out. “I’m always the same. You’re the one who’s different. What the hell is going on with you, anyway?”
“Me?” Violet sank back down on the bed. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve been distant.”
She blinked. “When?”
“Last week. This summer. All last year. Ever since you started hanging around Ri—Evelyn Gonzalez and her friends. Is that how it’s going to be this year? We’re not cool enough for you anymore?”
Jesus, my petulant bullshit had become a runaway train I couldn’t stop.
“You know that’s not true,” Violet said. “And who is we? Has Shiloh said something? I just hung out with her yesterday—”
“No.”
“And you? We’re literally hanging out right now.” Her face turned down in concern. “You really think I ignored you at school last year? That’s not true.”
“I’m not a fucking pity case, Vi. I’m just telling you what I—we—notice. Something’s different and has been for a while.”
“I have new friends. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about my old friends.”
“Uh huh. How are things with River?” I gritted out.
“Aside from his mom maybe dying? There are no ‘things.’ I’ve told you a hundred times. He hardly says a word to me. We’re not dating or anything.”
“Yet.”