Her tone grew soft. “I know it is.”
I sniffed and wiped my eyes, trying to keep it together. “But we knew it would be. He’s headlining a world tour. He has shows almost every night. There are time zone differences…” I heaved a sigh. “I’m trying to stay positive.”
“I know. Long-distance relationships suck and you’re over there without even a lifeline from your parents. Has Miller offered to help with your college? I’m sure he—”
“No, no. My tuition is paid for. I earned that scholarship on my own and I want to keep earning it.”
“Okay, but how about rent? He’s sent you money, right? He’s making a fortune over there. There’s no way he wouldn’t help you.”
“He wants to. And if I got in real trouble, he’d help but I don’t want his money. All my life, I’ve been a pampered rich kid who never had to want for anything. Hell, I never even had a job until Mack’s.”
“Girl, you volunteered for every medical program under the sun.”
“True, but ultimately that helped me get ahead in my career. I never had to earn a living. I think I need this. I can’t see the whole thing yet, but I feel like my crappy job, my crazy school work load and even being apart from Miller are making me a better person. One who understands what it’s like to struggle so I can appreciate what I have even more.”
Like Miller has done is entire life.
“Well, dang, girl. I guess Snow White has left the building.”
I laughed. “I hope so.” I plucked a piece of lint off the couch. “Shi, you know you can talk to me, right? Like how I talk to you?”
A silence. Then, “I know.”
“I mean, if it’s too much to talk about, I get it. I don’t want to make you relive anything over the phone with me. But I just want you to know that I’m here, okay?”
“Okay,” she said, her voice breathy with tears. Then she cleared her throat, pulling her own protective walls around her. After all that happened, I couldn’t blame her.
“Shi?”
“I’m okay. I promise.”
“Okay. Call me if that ever changes. Hell, call me anyway.”
“I will. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I hung up with her and closed my eyes, allowing myself a rare moment of unscheduled rest, while shedding a few tears for my friend who’d suffered so much.
But only for a few minutes. I then sat up, dried my tears, and got back to work.
Chapter Twenty-Six
A hard, sharp rapping came at the green room door. “Five minutes,” Evelyn called.
“Coming,” I called back.
I depressed the needle, emptying the little vial of insulin into my thigh. I’d already bolused to handle the carbs I’d eaten at dinner to get through tonight’s concert, but my numbers had spiked again.
“Fucking hell,” I muttered, pulling my pants up.
Other diabetics handled their shit well, but for me it was a constant battle. I followed plans, I counted carbs until my eyes crossed, and yet my numbers swung high and low no matter how careful I was. A few weeks ago, I’d passed out after a show in Lisbon, so the label assigned a doctor to babysit me for the duration of the tour, and even he was baffled. He wanted to get me in a hospital and run a bunch of test and check my A1C which I was long overdue for, but that meant pausing the tour, and that couldn’t happen.
I put away my insulin kit as the booming screams, stomps and applause of twenty-thousand fans in the T-Mobile Arena in Las Vegas rolled over me like thunder. Then the sound swelled louder—my band taking the stage ahead of me. They were good guys, all of them talented. We could’ve been close like brothers if I’d let them, but I burne
d that bridge early on. They all thought I was stuck-up and aloof. Fine by me. I’d already had friends who were like brothers and look how that turned out.
Pain tightened my chest for Ronan and Holden. For Violet.