That just wasn’t my style.
“I need to apologise,” Freya began, and she let out a huge sigh, pushing a hand through her hair. “I should have warned you today would be rough for me, I just didn’t know how hard it was going to be. I should never have put you through this. Like always, I knew you’d know how I feel, but I still should have talked to you about it instead of pretending I was fine.”
“Freya-”
She held up her hand. “Miguel, please. I need to say this.”
Again, I just nodded. What else could I do? I’d have much preferred she got to the point right away instead of giving me the whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech, but this wouldn’t be easy on her. Like I said, heart on her sleeve.
“When we got together,” she went on, “I didn’t know where we were going. If we were going anywhere, or if we were just holding on to each other out of fear, and grief, and desperation. It’s taken me a long time to figure out what you mean to me, and whether being with you is the right thing for both of us. Sometimes I get scared, Miguel. Really, really scared that I’ve been stringing you along when I don’t really love you the way I’m supposed to. I get scared about that when I think about Will, because you should never, ever be second best. You should be with someone who puts you first. Who thinks the stars shine in your eyes, and who would be completely lost without you.”
I looked away from her as my hands started to shake. This isn’t happening. This is not happening.
“But see,” she said, “it’s never been that black and white with us. There have always been a lot of shades of grey because of the way we got together. But over time… the grey has faded. For me, it’s becoming clear what the answer is. Days like today make me question myself, but, Miguel…” When she trailed off, I looked up at her, and she rested her hands on my cheeks and looked deep into my eyes. “I do think the stars shine in your eyes. I would be lost without you. And I do love you. In every way a woman is supposed to love a man. And when you asked me about marriage before… I didn’t hesitate because I don’t want that. It’s just fear, you know? Of falling even more in love with you. Of letting myself completely trust that you’re not going to hurt me.”
Relief rushed through my veins, and I pulled her close to me, my beautiful, sweet girl, and hugged her. “I thought you were going to…” I stopped and let out a breath. “I thought this was over.”
Freya shook her head. “No way. I’m not letting you go. Not ever.”
Bree
I sat down beside Jude just as Leah and Radleigh’s first dance was ending. I wished I hadn’t missed it, but Freya needed a friend, and I couldn’t let her sit there suffering in silence. My heart hurt for her. I’d suffered plenty of loss in my life, but I couldn’t begin to imagine how I’d cope if I lost the love of my life. I doubted I would cope at all.
“Is everything okay?” Jude asked, slipping his hand into mine.
I nodded. “Yeah, I think so. Freya just had a moment, but Miguel’s with her now.”
My eyes fell back on Leah and Radleigh. Deanna had just handed Jessica over to Leah, and Jayden had his little arms around Leah and Radleigh’s legs. I guessed Deanna was going to take the kids and put them to bed. They looked beat. Deanna had offered to babysit the children and miss the end of the party so Leah and Radleigh wouldn’t have to worry about them. Most of Leah’s family were spending the night in their house, while Leah and Radleigh were going to spend their wedding night in a very exclusive hotel.
They really were the cutest little family; happiness seemed to radiate from them all, as it should on their wedding day.
“We’ll have that one day, you know?” Jude said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
I looked over at him and smiled. “I know.”
Jude pressed his lips to my forehead. “I’m proud of you, Bree.”
“Oh yeah?” I looked into his eyes, my heart melting. “How so?”
“You’ve been so strong this year. You’ve had a lot to cope with but you’ve still managed to put a smile on your face and keep working, and keep being there for your friends. We’ve been together a long time, but I’m still kinda in awe of you every single day.”
Jude knew better than anyone how hard things had been since we lost our baby. We held each other together, but the one thing I had always loved about him was that, although he was always desperate to protect me from any pain, he didn’t wrap me up in cotton wool and try to stop me feeling it. He knew when I needed him to talk to me, and when I needed him to let me keep going and just get through it. He was my hero. Had been since the day we met.
“I feel the same,” I told him. “I know I’m hard work some days, but you handle me pretty well.”
He laughed, and the sound of the deep, throaty chuckle made my stomach flip over. “You’re not hard work. You’re amazing. And,” he added, whispering in my ear, “you look absolutely stunning in that dress.”
The look of fond adoration in his eyes made me smile. Jude wasn’t arrogant sexy like Radleigh, he was sweet sexy, and every time he gave me that look, I wanted to take him home an
d jump his bones.
But we had a wedding party to get through first.
“Well,” I said, kissing him softly, “in a few hours, you’ll get to help me take it off.”
He grinned. “Looking forward to it.”
Jesse