Chapter Nine – More Than Words Can Say
I sat on the bed beside Radleigh, watching him sleep. If it weren’t for the beeping machine monitoring his heart rate and the wire in his right hand pumping drugs into his body, he could almost have been at home, sleeping in our bed. He looked peaceful. The covers were pulled halfway down his bare chest, and I didn’t move them any farther because I knew underneath those covers would be the bloody wound Jen had inflicted on him.
Funny. I’d always thought of her in terms of someone who had emotionally scarred him. I never thought she’d make her mark so physical. But someone who used her children as pawns, who encouraged a little boy to ruin a wedding dress, who followed Radleigh’s every move and did all she could to play us off against each other could do just about anything she wanted.
I didn’t have the energy to be angry yet. Every bit of emotion I had was going in to pleading with the universe to make Radleigh okay. When he was awake and I was absolutely certain he would make it, perhaps then I’d allow myself a moment to express my rage that she had done this. To him, and to us.
I was a complete wreck. I’d started the evening looking “hot”, but now I’d cried off my make-up, my hair was frazzled, and my white dress was filthy from sitting on the waiting room floor earlier. I didn’t know where my halo had gone, and I’d thrown my sash somewhere after it had snapped and frayed. Not that it mattered. Truth be told, even if I’d had a good night, I’d probably still have woken up looking like this. Just without the tear stains on my cheeks.
I rested my hand gently on Radleigh’s chest and slid my fingers along to his arms where I traced the pattern of his tattoos.
“You know the one thing that’s always consistent with us?” I said. “Nothing is ever bloody simple. We fought over being together, and we fought about me moving here, and we fought about me being pregnant, and about me going back to work. Now we’re fighting for our wedding. I wouldn’t change anything, though. Well, I’d change everything since Jen first arrived, but everything about us? I wouldn’t take any of it back. Even the things that felt like life-shattering mistakes at the time. I love who we are. I love us.” I moved my fingers up to his face then gently ran them through his hair. “You, Radleigh McCoy, are the only man who could make me move back and forth across the world twice in the same year. The only man who could have convinced me to go on the London Eye in spite of my fear of heights.” I let out a small laugh. “Even when we got together we were fighting. But you know what? I would rather spend the rest of my life fighting with you than being with anyone else. So… I’m gonna need you to wake up, okay? And when you do, I’m gonna need you to keep fighting to get well. Because me and Jessica? We need you, baby.”
A tear slipped down my cheek and I moved from the bed to the chair beside it. Pulling it as close to the bed as I could, I took a hold of his hand and rested my head on the mattress beside him, silently crying until I fell asleep.
**
The sensation of someone stroking my hair roused me from my slumber and I blinked a few times as I tried to work out why I wasn’t in my own bed. Or any bed. The first thing I noticed was that my skull was still pounding, and within seconds, I remembered why. Slowly, I lifted my head, and as I straightened up I was greeted by Radleigh’s incredible blue eyes. They looked paler than usual, tired and pained. But a smile spread across his face.
“Hey, baby.”
The sound of his voice, albeit croaky and weak, made me let out a sigh of happiness. “Hi.”
“Come here.”
I pulled my sleepy body from the chair and up onto the bed. Radleigh was still lying flat so I leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his lips, letting them linger for a moment, relief pouring through me that he was awake. Tears began to drip from my eyes as I stared at him.
“Have you been awake for long?” I asked. I had no clue how long I’d been asleep, but as I became more alert, I saw the sun was starting to stream through the window.
“A couple of hours on and off,” he said. “Mom and Dad came in, and the cops were here too, but you were totally out and we didn’t want to wake you.”
“You should have.” I snuggled my head against his chest and carefully placed my arm across the uncovered part of his torso. His arm moved around me and I breathed in deeply. “How are you feeling?”
“Sore, but I’d feel a lot worse if it wasn’t for the drugs. I’m not supposed to move which is go
nna be real good fun when I need to pee.”
I laughed through my tears. “We’ll cross that hurdle later. God, I can’t tell you how good it feels to talk to you.”
“Don’t cry, baby,” he whispered. “I’m going to be fine.”
“You’d better be. Because a few hours ago, I wasn’t sure of that and I’ve never been so scared in my life.”
My slow trickle of tears gave way to sobs, and Radleigh’s arm tightened around me as much as he could manage. His fingers found my hair again and he curled his fingers in it. “I know. I was scared too. If it hadn’t been for Bryce, I don’t think…”
“Please,” I interrupted. “Please don’t say it.”
“Look at me, Leah.”
I didn’t want to move out of his arms so I adjusted my position slightly so I could raise my head a little. He had tears in his eyes too.
“I couldn’t leave you,” he said, gently. “The whole time before I blacked out, you and Jessica were all I thought about. There’s a lot I can’t remember, and a lot of things I remember that might not have even happened. I kept losing consciousness and I don’t know what was a dream and what was real. But Bryce… he was talking to me. About you and Jessica. He reminded me of things that had happened between us. And all the things we’re going to do. He told me I had to keep fighting. And that was all I wanted. To keep fighting so I didn’t leave you. When I felt myself really falling asleep, the only thing I saw was you. You and our baby girl. I didn’t know if I was going to wake up.”
Closing my eyes as his tears fell, I held him tighter. “Thank you,” I whispered. “Thank you for fighting.”
“I told Bryce, you know? Before I blacked out, I told him to tell you how hard I fought because I needed you to know. If I didn’t make it, I needed you to know. I never wanted to leave you.”
Unable to force anymore words out past the lump in my throat, I sobbed against his chest. As afraid as I’d been, to think of how terrified he must have been as he closed his eyes, not knowing if he’d ever open them again, made my heart hurt.