The solid wall of ice that had surrounded my heart to stop it breaking began to melt. It wasn’t his words, it was the hope and fear in his eyes. How many times had we been here? The way he was so unsure, and the way I felt like he shouldn’t have been, reminded me of the night we got together. The night we officially became a couple, with him confessing his feelings and me not understanding how he hadn’t known I’d loved him the whole time.
I lowered myself down the final step so we were beside each other and placed my hand on his cheek. “Yes. I want to marry you.”
He closed his eyes and turned his head to place a kiss on the palm of my hand. “I know we have a lot to work through, but I still want to marry you too. Now more than ever. That thing you said about Jen being the love of my life? You couldn’t have been more wrong. You, Leah. You are the love of my life. You’re everything she isn’t. Everything I want. You’re everything.”
Tears filled my eyes as he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. And in that instant, I was home. We were home. This was us, the way we were before Jen tried to break us. This touch was the one I’d missed – a million miles from the way he’d touched me last. This was him telling me we’d be okay. We had work to do, but we’d be okay.
Chapter Five – Sometimes It’s Chocolate Cake
The two days that followed were some of the strangest we’d ever spent together. Although Radleigh and I were back on track, we were both extremely aware that there had been a mild breakdown in trust and a huge breakd
own in communication, and only time and honesty could fix that. Radleigh told Jen he and I needed to focus on us, and asked her to give us a few days to ourselves. No calls. No messages. No lame attempts to get his attention using Jayden as an excuse. No showing up at the training ground. She wasn’t happy about it, and again, she tried to play the “if you don’t do things my way, you won’t get to see your son” card. Radleigh refused to be dragged into the game, though, and stuck by his promise to back James up if she made things difficult. Even with the Jen ban in place, I couldn’t help flinching every time his phone rang, or he got a new text. While I knew I had to get over it, Radleigh equally knew that him keeping things from me had triggered this, so he was patient and showed me every message he received. After twenty-four hours of that, I told him to stop. I still flinched when the phone rang, but having him show me everything made me feel like a possessive weirdo. Trust can’t be earned that way. In order to trust him fully, I had to believe he was telling me the truth without asking him to back it up every single time.
On Saturday, Radleigh had an away game in Chicago, and he asked me to go with him. Not so I could keep tabs on him, but so we could get away from real life for a couple of days. Since it was a long journey, we were to leave on Friday morning, and we would fly home on Sunday afternoon. The idea of a few days out of Los Angeles – somewhere we wouldn’t have a chance of bumping into Jen – made me happier than I’d been in weeks. A different place meant space to breathe. Where Radleigh and I could just be us without any pressure from anyone or anything else.
So, we kissed Jessica goodbye on Friday morning and hopped on the plane to Chicago. It was late afternoon when we arrived, and I couldn’t stop the little buzz of joy I felt at the idea that I could be doing this more often soon. With everything that had gone on recently, getting my ass back to work sounded better and better. Having something to focus on, plus spending much more time with my friends, was what I needed. I needed to be re-connected with adults more often, and I needed to have something just for me. It had been forever since I stepped off a plane with the team, but I still remembered the feeling of pride that came with it. I needed to get that back on a regular basis.
Reality set back in almost as soon as we got home. We’d barely put our bags down when Jen made her presence felt by calling Radleigh to let him know Jayden had been asking to see him. I still wasn’t ready to see Jen again yet, but since Radleigh had the next day off, we agreed Jen would bring Jayden over in the morning for a couple of hours. This was a huge deal because not only would it be the first time I met him, it would be the first time Jen left him with Radleigh without her being there too.
I stayed in the kitchen with Jessica while Jen dropped Jayden off. She was in the house for less than three minutes – I counted – when Radleigh came into the kitchen holding hands with his little boy. I was kneeling on the floor with Jessica, with her holding my fingers again as I attempted to coax her to walk. Jessica plopped down onto the floor as they walked towards us, and I sank back onto my heels so I wasn’t towering over Jayden when they reached me.
He really was the cutest little boy. Jen’s love of shopping clearly extended to children’s clothes because Jayden was dressed in blue jeans and a bright red t-shirt branded with the Armani logo. That t-shirt probably cost more than my entire outfit. He also carried a small rucksack on his back.
Radleigh crouched down on the floor beside Jayden and said, “Remember how I told you you have a baby sister?” Jayden nodded shyly, clinging to Radleigh’s hand. “Well,” Radleigh went on nodding towards our little girl, “this is your sister. This is Jessica.”
Jessica looked up at Jayden curiously, and I smiled. “This is your big brother, Jessi. His name is Jayden.”
Jessica turned over and then crawled towards him and Radleigh. “Hello,” Jayden said, quietly.
Radleigh sat down on the floor, Jayden following, and pulled Jessica into his lap. Taking a deep breath, he said, “Do you remember me telling you that I’m getting married soon?”
Jayden nodded. “But Harley put paint on the dress. Mommy told me to do it but I know that putting paint on clothes is bad.”
Radleigh’s eyes widened at this revelation, but I shook my head, letting him know not to push the conversation. It was done now. It was a smart move on her part though – or would have been if Jayden wasn’t so well-behaved. He must have picked that trait up from James because Jen certainly hadn’t taught him anything good. If Jayden had been the one to ruin my dress, Radleigh would have struggled over what to do. He wouldn’t want to yell at the child he was just getting to know as his own, and Mitch and Deanna would have found it equally as challenging.
“That’s right,” Radleigh said. “It’s very bad to put paint on clothes. But that isn’t important right now. I want you to meet Leah. Leah is Jessica’s mommy and the lady I’m going to marry.”
Jayden looked from Radleigh to me, and I smiled. “Hi, Jayden. It’s nice to meet you.”
He gave a shy smile, and right away, my heart melted. There was something about his sweet shyness that told me he really wasn’t anything like his mother. He looked like her, for sure, but he was just as Mitch and Deanna said. Polite and kind.
“I was just going to take Jessica to play outside. Would you like to come with us?”
Jayden nodded and loosened his grip on Radleigh’s hand then walked towards me. Radleigh smiled at me and we stood up. He handed Jessica back to me. “I’ll make us some drinks and then I’ll join you outside.”
With Jessica in my arms and Jayden now holding my hand, I let out a little sigh of relief as we walked through the kitchen and outside into our enormous garden. At least Jayden didn’t run away from me screaming. Always a good start.
“You have a swimming pool,” Jayden said, his eyes fixated on it as we walked by.
Since we’d had Jessica, even though she wasn’t yet old enough to get out of the house on her own, we’d had to make some adjustments to the pool area. Where there used to be a small white tiled area around the edge, we’d extended the tiled area a little more and added a glass fence with a locked gate. We also had a pool alarm for added safety. With Jayden around, I was glad we’d made the changes right away instead of waiting until Jessica was older.
“We do,” I said. “Do you like to swim?”
Jayden nodded. “But Mommy doesn’t take me swimming now. Daddy… My… Daddy in New York used to take me swimming. We don’t have a pool because we live in an apartment.”
Daddy in New York. I wondered if that was a term Jen had taught him, or if he was just totally confused by the recent changes. I didn’t know what he called Radleigh. Would he have gone straight to calling him Daddy so soon? Or was he going to be Radleigh until they knew each other better?
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I said, “Maybe next time you come over we can go swimming in the pool here.”