I wasn’t ready to go back to the wake yet so I stayed beside Will’s grave, sitting in the grass, making a daisy chain and enjoying the quiet. Not just the quiet of the cemetery, but the quiet of my thoughts.
“Hey, Bree.”
The delicate sound of Freya’s voice startled me. While I stared at her in surprise, she took off her own shoes and joined me on the grass.
“What are you doing out here?” I asked, putting my arm around her. She was a little cold, and still abnormally pale, but somehow a little less so than earlier.
“I saw you sneak out. I had a feeling you might be here.” Freya’s eyes fell on my lone daisy and she smiled. “You know that daisy would mean more to Will than all of these other tributes?”
“What makes you say that?”
“Because I know you had a fight with him. And I know you didn’t see him again afterwards. That’s why you’re here, right?”
“I had no idea I was so predictable.”
Freya chuckled and let her head fall onto my shoulder. “You’re only predictable to people who know you well. Jude saw you leave but I told him I’d find you. I needed to get out. Just for a quick breather. Everyone has been amazing but all those stares of sympathy. Like I said before, I find them so hard to take.”
“Right before you came into the restaurant everyone was talking about how we can help you. I think they know we can’t do anything but it makes the uselessness go away for a while if we try.”
“You know what I need?” Freya sighed. “I need to be right here with you. Close to Will.”
I tilted my head sideways to lean lightly on hers. “You’re not crying anymore.”
“I’m beyond crying for now. My tear supply needs a little time to replenish.”
To understand what she meant made me half happy and half sad. Relating to her, connecting again the way I’d started to do with Jude meant everything to me. The crappy side was understanding how much it hurt to be cried out. It left hollowness, and being empty had its downsides too.
“Got room for one and a half more down there?”
Without turning our heads, Freya and I laughed as Leah dropped down on the ground with us. Freya pulled Leah into her so we became a sort of… hot girl sandwich.
“What’s your excuse?” Freya asked. “Bree came to talk to Will, and I came to get a time out.”
I loved how neither of them thought it was weird that I’d sneaked away from a wake to sit beside a grave and talk to a pile of earth. To an outsider, I was clearly a nutjob. To my friends, I made perfect sense.
“I came to be with my girls,” Leah said. “Don’t ask how I knew where to find you. My feet just steered me here.”
“I guess
we all wanted to be close to Will.” I stretched my arm over a little further to touch Leah’s shoulder and she smiled.
“Cute scarf, Bree. Where’d you get it?”
Ha. That was a story. Too long and too self-involved for where we were, though. I’d fill them in at a more appropriate time.
“It’s Kayla’s. Well, I guess it’s mine, now. She gave it to me for today. For comfort.”
“Aww, she’s a sweetheart.”
Just like Jesse. That was how I always described him.
Less than two weeks ago I would have wanted Jesse with us. With me. I’d have wanted him beside me, letting him calm me, and saying all the right things. How stupid I was. Getting carried away with silly fantasies and what ifs. Letting Taylor manipulate me; letting myself think I’d be happier with a bigger family around me. Family isn’t about the amount of people, it’s about the amount of happiness and love you receive. Jude was… yeah. He was everything. Everything I needed and everything I would ever need.
A small bird swooped down, landing on Will’s grave. It pecked around for a moment then took the daisy I’d left there in its beak, and flew away, high up in the sky until it became nothing more than a speck.
“Well, that’s just rude. That bird stole Will’s flower!”
Freya smiled. “Maybe. Or maybe it’s taking the flower to Will instead.”