“I didn't grow up in a very conventional way. I mean, I did for part of my life. My parents... I loved them so much. I think the reason I'm usually so upbeat is because of them. You know how you call me sunshine?” Jesse nodded. “Well, they were sunny people. Especially my mom. But when I was twelve, my dad got sick. He had cancer. He died two years later, and Mom fell apart. Her eyes didn’t sparkle anymore, like someone had turned off the light behind them.” The memory of how her brown eyes dulled after my dad’s death brought a chill to me. I hated how that was the first thing I remembered when I thought of her, when she used to be… well, like me. A lovable ditz. “I tried so hard to bring her out of it, to get the light back. I couldn’t. Exactly one year after my dad died I found her hanging from the light fitting when I got home from school.”
Jesse drew in a sharp intake of breath and reached for my hand. I shook my head, trying to pull away but he wouldn’t let go. His fingers closed around mine and held tightly while I attempted to force the image of my mom’s lifeless body out of my mind. It hadn’t told this story in so long. So long since I saw her like that. The image haunted my nightmares for years.
“I didn’t know what to do,” I went on, swallowing down the lump in my throat. “So I screamed. I kept on screaming until the neighbours called the police. I had nowhere to go so I got shunted around to foster homes until I was seventeen. Some of the homes I stayed in were great. They helped me deal with what I’d been through. Some of them didn’t care, didn’t even talk to me. At seventeen, I ran away from my last foster home and started living rough.”
Jesse’s eyes widened the way I imagined everyone’s would if they heard about my life. I didn’t want any pity; that was one of the reasons I never talked about it. People looked down on me already, or treated me like a small, lost child. Inside, part of me was still trapped in my house of horrors as a fifteen-year-old, but living alone so young made me grow up faster than anyone should.
“Where did you go?”
“The scary parts of the city. Places where grown men don’t want to go alone.”
“Weren’t you scared?”
I nodded. “Every day. I kept to myself for a few weeks. I went to shelters for food, and stayed there some nights. After a while I made… friends. Not the kind of friends I wanted or needed, though. They took me in. There were six of us, two guys and four girls. Didn’t take me long to realise the girls were hookers, and the guys expected me to join them. I refused to go down that road so they had me ‘help’ in other ways.”
Jesse’s hand grew cold in mine but he didn’t let go. I looked up at him with a sad smile. “You want me to stop?”
He shook his head. “Not unless you want to.”
“I’m okay. I can keep going.”
He squeezed my hand again and I continued, “I didn’t stay with those guys for long, because of Jude. Even if it weren’t for him, I’d have gotten away somehow. I hope. They wanted me to steal cars for them. They made me watch them, learn how to do it. My first big night, we were in an underground car park. It was real late and a Dodge Viper was the only car left. God only knows why anyone with a Dodge Viper would be dim enough to park in such a crappy place. It should have been easy but I couldn’t. The two guys yelled at me, threatening to kill me if I didn’t, but no part of me is a thief. When I refused, they dragged me into the middle of the car park and started hitting me.”
I closed my eyes, transporting myself back to that day. The day that changed my life.
“You’re gonna pay for this!”
DJ, the huge bulky guy with a bald head, punched me square in the jaw, stunning me so I couldn’t even scream. I felt my jaw crack and hoped to God it wasn’t broken. Who would fix the broken jaw of a girl with no cash? Lew, the one person in the group I’d been idiotic enough to trust, hit me in the stomach, and this time I cried out, doubling over. DJ laughed.
“You think you call the fucking shots around here? We’ve taken care of you for weeks and you’ve given us nothing!”
I screamed as he took a handful of my hair and pulled me up to look into his blazing eyes. “You’re a worthless piece of shit and you will pay for everything we’ve given you.”
He slapped me across the face while Lew grabbed my waist. “Wanna have some fun with her?” he asked.
“That’s exactly what we’re gonna do.”
“No,” I murmured, breathless from being hit so hard. “Please.”
Lew promised I’d be safe. Promised nothing would happen to me as long as I did this one thing, but I thought he’d understand. I thought he cared. I was an idiot for thinking I meant anything more to them than someone to help with their criminal activity.
Stupid, Bree! They tried to pimp you out, remember?
But Lew had bee
n sweet. Got DJ to back off when he got too heavy with me. It was all a ploy. To soften me up, make me trust them so I’d do whatever they asked.
DJ pushed me back into the parked car, causing a sharp pain to shoot up my back. He held me in place while Lew punched my stomach hard again then gripped my throat. I trembled so much I couldn’t move. Couldn’t stop them. Everything hurt, and as his hand tightened around my neck, I prayed he’d just kill me because I didn’t want to suffer anymore. I looked into his blue eyes, hoping to find some kindness. Hoping to find something in him that had been genuine, to show me I wasn’t wrong.
Instead, he spat in my face, hitting me while DJ tugged at the waistband of my jeans. I tried to fight but all strength had gone, shutting down from the pain. Rough hands grabbed at my bare hips, and vomit crept up my throat as he fumbled with his zipper.
“No,” I said, tears finally falling down my cheeks. “No, please.”
I shook so hard, trying to find the strength to fight. To push through the pain. I couldn’t. Every blow, the sensation of Lew’s hands creeping up my shirt while DJ kicked my ankles apart was another strip of my drive and determination being torn away from me.
“Hey!”
The hands holding me loosened, and a stronger person would have let the adrenaline kick in and run. Not me. My legs barely held me up. In fact, DJ pinning me to the car was the only reason I remained on my feet.