“I don’t know, sweetheart. Right now he’s in a critical condition, and we just don’t know what’s going to happen.”
This had to be a mistake. Different people, a different band, because this didn’t happen to people we knew. This was a thing that happened on the news. A tragic accident that affected strangers. It didn’t happen in our world, not to us.
I wanted to ask so many questions but words wouldn’t form. Why didn’t they wake me sooner? Where was Ellie? What caused the crash? If the boys were travelling to Houston, where were they now? How far did they get?
“Mum. What about Mack?”
Mum’s eyes dimmed and she lowered her head. “He didn’t make it, Lucy.”
It was too much. I leapt up from my seat, ran to the sink and vomited violently as tears poured from my eyes.
Mack. Kind, funny, laid back Mack. He’d been my ally on the tour; he was an ally to everyone because he was just so unfazed by everything. He didn’t judge, he didn’t interfere. All he wanted from life was to play music and be happy. And now…
Mum’s hand gently rubbed my back, and I slowly lifted my head from the sink. I was still trembling, my skin icy cold. “Mum, I can’t… I don’t know how to handle this.”
“None of us do, Lucy. I’ve been up for three hours and I still can’t take it in. Your dad’s trying to sort out flights to get Ellie, me and Michael to Houston and…”
The room slid out of focus for a second, and I leaned back against the sink as her words settled into my brain. If I’d been thinking clearly, I might have seen this coming. Or maybe not. Mum had had three hours to figure out the next steps, but I hadn’t got that far yet. Hadn’t thought about going to the boys.
Mack. Mack was gone. And Drew… he might not pull through…
“Wait. Mum… I-”
Mum shook her head. “Ellie has to go to be with Drew, and she needs me to be there for her.”
“What about Jason? Mum, please, I-”
“Lucy, we’re not trying to leave you out, but we can’t all be there. Joey’s family will be there too, and-”
“Mum! I know you’re not crazy about the idea of me and Jason, but he needs someone to be there for him. I get that his dad will be there, but everyone’s going to be with Drew, and Jason… I don’t know how he’ll cope.”
I could barely cope with what was happening, but Jason had spent years with his band mates, and losing Mack and seeing his brother in intensive care might just be enough to send him over the edge. We’d already had one close call with drugs; I didn’t want him to have another. I wasn’t arrogant enough to assume my presence could prevent him relapsing, but if there was any chance I could do something to help him, I didn’t want to pass it up.
“Please,” I said, softly.
Mum looked into my eyes for a moment, and I could see her battling with her decision. Eventually she shook her head. “I’m sorry.”
I ran my hand through my hair, trying to get to grips with all the information I’d gotten since I walked into the kitchen, but I couldn’t get past the fact that Mack was dead, and Jason wouldn’t have anyone there just for him. I didn’t mean to seem callous; of course I was worried about Drew, and terrified about the possibility that he might not be okay and what that would mean for Ellie. But Jason… I just needed to wrap my arms around him and thank God he was okay.
I sank to the floor where I was because my legs wouldn’t carry me back to the chair. My life had become a living nightmare over the last two weeks. I’d been alone, even when I’d been surrounded by my family, because they were all so busy with their own judgements that they hadn’t heard me. Hadn’t heard me trying to find a way through, and maybe the right words didn’t even exist. Perhaps, just like for the rest of the world, it was a matter of time before Jason and I proved we had something worth trying for. And now it was so insignificant. A life had been lost, and another one hung in the balance. Mum might have had a point about not wanting too many people taking over the hospital, but dammit, those guys meant the world to me. And Jason and Drew were practically family. The thought of Drew lying in a hospital bed, fighting for his life, made my heart ache, for him and for Ellie.
The sound of the front door opening and soft footsteps on the hallway carpet made me raise my head. Ellie stood in the kitchen doorway, her face deathly white, her eyes bloodshot and puffy. She wore jeans and her favourite baggy comfort jumper, the one she always wore when she needed to feel warm and safe. Her eyes locked onto mine and I stood up. Without a word, I flung myself into her arms, and held her tight as her head fell onto my shoulder and she sobbed.
“It’s going to be okay, Ellie,” I managed to say through my own tears. “It’s got to be okay.”
Instead of answering, she clung to me and I wished more than anything I could take her pain away. We’d been virtually strangers since I’d been home, and I wished hadn’t taken this to make all the arguments vanish as if they’d never existed. What we should have been doing was planning her wedding, and it pierced at my soul to think that wedding might not even happen.
“Flights are booked.” I loosened my hold on Ellie and we both turned as Dad joined us in the kitchen. “But you’ll need to get moving fairly quickly. The train is at twelve, and your flight is at nine tonight. Let’s just hope there aren’t any delays on the way.”
My heart sank a little further knowing I wasn’t going to be on that flight with them and I lowered my head, trying not to cry again.
The front door opened again, and a haggard looking Michael entered, his face as pale as Ellie’s. I stepped away from Ellie and hugged him tight.
“I was just telling everyone the flights are booked and the train is at twelve,” Dad said. “You just need to get ready and then you can head off.”
“Thanks, Martin. Did you book return flights?”
Dad shook his head. “I thought it would be easier not to because nobody knows how long you’ll be there. It’s a pain of a journey, too. London to New York, three hour stopover, and then on to Houston.”