I know I’m not making much sense, but this is my journal, so I will be as ineloquent as I want here. It’s back in the real world where I have to keep my shit together.
And I think that’s about to get a lot more difficult.
I flipped the journal shut and placed it back up on the shelf before laying back, my head thudding against my pillow. My music drowned out the sounds of everyone else on the bus, and I closed my eyes, letting the melodies carry me away.
Chapter 8 – All The Time In The World
In an hour, my anger had dissipated but I was still restless. Too restless to sleep. I turned off my music and listened for sounds of life on the bus. Nothing. Good.
I drew back the curtain surrounding my bunk and hopped out, pausing again to listen. When I was greeted by silence, I slipped my shoes on and headed out of the bus for some fresh air. The club where the band had played a few hours earlier was still alive with music and people, but since the bus was tucked away and everyone was mostly inside, I wasn’t noticed as I leaned back against the bus and sighed.
What. A Day.
Around four hours ago, I was on top of the world. My sister got engaged to the man she loved, and I was about to spend a few days with her before heading to America. America!
Except she’d done the one thing she said she wouldn’t do. She’d gone all “big sister” on me and ruined everything. And for what? For something she hadn’t seen and knew nothing about. Yeah, she knew Jason but she didn’t have any idea of the things that had happened on the tour – not that it amounted to much, but she’d killed my buzz with her concerns. Did she really think I had no worries at all? Did she really think I hadn’t thought constantly about the problems?
I felt Jason’s presence before he spoke. I’d only heard footsteps but I knew it was him. The tiny hairs prickling on my arms from his nearness told me so.
“Hey, Jason.” I didn’t look up.
“You’re good.” He gave a small laugh as he leaned against the bus beside me. “What are you doing out here?”
“Getting some air. Thinking. You?”
“I wanted to make sure you’re okay. I was still up and I saw you come outside, but I can leave if you want me to.”
“You can stay. If you want to.”
I still hadn’t looked at him and I wasn’t sure why. Was it because I was trying not to feel anything, even though my heart was hammering and my palms had grown slick? That I was scared of what he might say? Or that I was afraid Ellie had had words with him too and he’d gone back to seeing me as a little girl again?
Tears pricked at my eyelids and I quickly blinked them away before Jason could see them. Why did that happen? What was I even crying over?
“What happened tonight, Luce? Why did you stop talking and go straight to your bunk after dinner?”
“You don’t know?”
“I can guess. But I’d like to know for sure before I go and tear off some heads.”
His calm tone didn’t match the aggression of his words, and I laughed softly. “You know Ellie and Drew. Always trying to help. Always worrying.”
“What did they say?”
“They were talking. About you and me. I overheard them. And then I got pissed off because they were talking about me and not to me. I just wanted to get away from everyone.”
“Ah.”
Ah? That was all I was getting? I couldn’t read anything from that.
“Have they really not talked to you about this?”
Jason sighed. “I got ‘the talk’ from Drew before we left, but you know this. I mentioned it in Paris, remember?”
“You said Drew didn’t trust you but I didn’t know there had been an actual conversation.”
Jason straightened and I looked up as he moved to stand in front of me. He rubbed his hand across his forehead, as if he didn’t want to say whatever it was he was about to say, and I slipped out of the small gap between us and turned my back on him because I wanted to hear it even less than he wanted to say it. Not that it mattered. The regret heavy in his eyes had scorched itself into my mind, and there was no escaping the tension in the air around us.
“Luce, will you please turn around?”