Someone shunted me sideways into a table, and again, I struggled to hold on to the drinks as my hip bashed into the wooden surface. I barely felt the pain though, because I was too focused on finding Jason. In the moment I’d taken my eyes off him, he was gone.
“Shit!”
Turning, I rushed back to our table where the guys were laughing about something, and I dumped the drinks on the table.
“I’ll be right back. I need to visit the ladies’ room.”
I didn’t wait for a response; I darted back the way I’d come. My heart thudded in my chest as I glanced around the crowded bar, seeking Jason out. Where the hell did he go? The flashing lights made it harder to find him, and in my panic, everything became distorted. I blinked hard to clear my focus and tried again. I saw the guys who had been talking to him lurking by the door to the men’s toilets, and I hoped to hell Jason hadn’t gone in there with whatever they’d offered him. I couldn’t barge in to check, and if I told Drew he’d freak out. Just like I was freaking out.
Shit.
I pushed through the crowds, and as I got closer to the dodgy men, I saw there was another door - a fire exit - right in the corner of the room. With my pulse pounding, I shoved people out of the way and pushed the door open, slamming it shut behind me and blocking out some of volume of the thumping music. It was almost completely black, aside from a sliver of light shining through the door and a couple of small wall lights that vaguely brightened the rooftop area. I blinked again until my eyes adjusted to the darkness, and my gaze found Jason crouched on the ground, his back against the wall of the club, his head in his hands.
“Jason.”
The word came out with a breath of relief, and his head snapped up. For a moment he stared at me and the look in his eyes made my heart ache. It was like he was relieved to see me, or someone, but panic shone through too, making his green eyes seem to flicker a little.
I took a small step closer, not wanting to do the wrong thing. What I really wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and try to take away his fear.
“Lucy.”
“Are you… I… tell me what to do. What do you need?”
He blew out a long breath then held his hand out. I walked over to him and took his outstretched hand, lacing my fingers through his. He was shaking as I sank down beside him.
“What happened, Jase?”
“Coke. Those guys offered me coke.”
I’d learned a little about cocaine addiction over the years, and one thing I knew was that, even after a long time of being off it, it takes very little to want to use again - especially if offered the way it was to Jason, and even more so when that person was already struggling. It must have taken every bit of strength Jason had to get out of there. To get away from something he wanted badly enough that he was trembling in front of me.
“That fucker tried to set me up. Franz.”
My brow furrowed. “What? What do you mean?”
“His friends. They bought me a few beers, took a few photos. We had some laughs. Then the drugs came out.” He let out a bitter laugh. “One of them pulled me to one side and said he knew I liked a line sometimes. It was almost exactly like last time.”
Last time. The time he almost died.
I squeezed his hand. “I saw him try to hand you something.”
He nodded. “Franz and the others were all watching. They had their phones out, ready to film me so they could sell their story. After we gave him a fucking job, that’s how he says thank you? Fucking two-faced asshole.” Jason’s palm grew sweaty in mine, and he let go to wipe it before wrapping his fingers around mine again.
“Jase…” I hesitated, not wanting to ask but knowing I had to. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t. “What did you… do you have the drugs?”
“No. I didn’t take them.”
I stared at him while I internally battled over what to do next. I’d asked the question, but there was a strong chance Jason wasn’t being honest. After all, he’d lied to Ellie. He’d lied to everyone.
That was before. This is now.
Jason must have spotted the doubt in my eyes and his own darkened. His body still trembled as he stood, reached into his jeans pockets and turned them inside out, then lifted his shirt and turned around in a circle to prove he was clean. My own body began to shake at his rage, and the fact that I’d made him feel like he had to do this. It had to be humiliating and hurtful to have people doubting your every word and I felt sick to my stomach as he tried to prove himself to me.
“Happy? You wanna pat me down to make sure? You wanna do a strip search?” Fury burned in his eyes as he glared at me. He’d never looked at me that way before, and while I stood by what I’d done, I didn’t ever want to see that look from him again.
I slapped my palms against his chest then gripped his t-shirt, my own anger taking over. “Just stop! What would you prefer? That I didn’t care? That I said nothing and risk losing you? I’m sorry, but I’d rather have you mad than dead!”
Jason stared at me, his eyes locked with mine. It was as if he felt it. Not just my panic, but the depth of it. The real reason for it, but he didn’t back away. He took a few slow breaths then wrapped his arms around my waist. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped. You had every right to ask.”