the table and sank down to the floor beside her.
“I thought I wanted to be with him, but he didn’t want a relationship, he wanted to screw around. I didn’t want that kind of relationship with him. Or anyone. Then I met someone else, and it was all over.”
“Just like that?”
I nodded. “It was nothing more than two drunken idiots messing around.”
“Didn’t it hurt to let him go?”
“No. He was still my best friend. All I let go of was a silly, childish crush.”
“Is that what I have? A crush?”
“I don’t know.” I pulled her into a one-armed hug. “Does it feel like a crush?”
Lucy shrugged again, and rested her head on my shoulder. “I suppose that’s all it’ll ever be. To him, I’m just your little sister.”
“Well, he is ten years older than you.”
“Drew’s eight years older than you. Ten isn’t much more of a difference.”
It’s a big difference when you’re eighteen.
The mention of Drew’s name punctured through my comfortable, tipsy fog, and stabbed at my chest. “Drew used to think I was ‘just Jason’s childish friend.’ I’m pretty sure he thinks that now, too.”
Lucy snuggled in closer to me, resting her hand on mine. “Sorry, Ellie. I didn’t mean to bring him up tonight. I’m supposed to be cheering you up. Instead, I’m whining that Jason – who has way bigger issues right now – doesn’t know I’m alive.”
Eight years, ten years. It wasn’t such a big deal, except Jason was currently in rehab for cocaine addiction. I wasn’t sure how I felt about my sister having any kind of feelings for him. A little too weird to comprehend. No doubt he saw Lucy was a stunner, but I figured she was right. He didn’t think of her that way. I hoped for her sake it was nothing more than a passing phase. If I’d learned anything over the course of my life, it was mixing lifelong friendships with romance could get complicated really fast.
“Ellie, you insensitive bint,” Jason whispered in my ear as he pulled me into a hug. “Walking into a rehabilitation centre with a hangover? You should be ashamed of yourself!”
He chuckled as I hugged him back.
“Urgh,” I groaned. “Busted.”
My super slow walk with lowered head probably gave me away. I’d put on a little extra make-up too, to cover up my pale cheeks. Actually, that was probably the giveaway.
He was absolutely right. I had no business parading last night’s drunkenness in front of a room full of addicts. I’d woken up, groaning like a T-Rex with an ice cream headache, and Lucy was in an equally bad way. I probably should have felt bad about letting her get so drunk, but - mutual misery aside – we’d had a fun evening.
“How are you doing?” I asked.
“Not too bad,” Jason answered as we strolled across the common room to a vacant sofa. “The cravings vary from day to day, or hour to hour, but it’s under control. It helps that this place is a lot nicer than the last one.”
I glanced around the room, taking in the soothing, pale blue walls hung with seascapes, and the modern furniture; cosy and adorned with squishy cushions. Definitely an improvement. Jason’s previous rehabilitation centre had the vibe of a nursing home; all floral patterns and frills.
Jason certainly looked better than he did the last time I saw him. His face had more colour, but the dark circles under his eyes and the stiffness of his movements showed me he wasn’t feeling as well as he pretended to be. How could he be? Withdrawal was hard on its own, but throw in a crumbling family, guilt, and pressure to get back on his feet for the band, and it was obvious he’d be struggling with it all.
As Jason’s eyes met mine, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. My delicate physical condition, combined with my less than perfect mental state made me fall against him, teary-eyed.
Familiarity. That was what I needed. Jason’s hugs were about the most familiar thing in the world to me, more so than hugs from my family. It was kind of nostalgic. Like rediscovering the favourite childhood toy I used to reach for when I had a nightmare. Perhaps it should have been awkward. Or I should have felt like a traitor for visiting Jason but not calling Drew. Or maybe I was supposed to still be angry with Jason for landing himself back in rehab. Instead, I felt relieved. Relieved to be with someone who didn’t need an instruction manual for my brain.
And I knew it was what he needed, too.
“I missed you. I know that’s selfish since you’ve been stuck in here trying to deal with stuff but... I missed you.”
“You’re not selfish. If anyone’s selfish, it’s me. I’m in here, safe. I left you out in the real world dealing with all my mess.”
“This is where you need to be. Although, I sort of wish I could hide, too.”