He shakes his head as he watches me. “I don’t know,” he whispers. “But whatever it is, I won’t stop until it’s right.”
There’s no doubt about it, he blames himself. The torture behind his eyes is enough to see that, which is why I can’t let him do this. He’s going to go too far and it will be something his parents can’t bail him out of. This will destroy him and in doing that, he’ll destroy me. Telling him that though, it’s as pointless as talking to a brick wall. He won’t hear me until he’s had a chance to calm down.
So instead of trying to talk him down, I give him something else to think about. “I want in.”
He pulls back and looks at me as though I’m some kind of stranger. “No. No way in fucking hell. I want you far away from this bullshit. You’re better than this.”
I shake my head and move back into him. “She did this to me too, Nate. It wasn’t just you who nearly lost your life. I deserve this just as much as you do.”
“I won’t let you,” he growls as his hands ball into fists at his side.
I put a hand upon his strong shoulder and stretch up on my tippy toes. I press my lips to his cheek and love that I still have the ability to calm his wild emotions. “I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I need this.”
With that, I pull away, give Jesse a tight smile, and turn my back.
I walk back into the cafeteria as the sound of Nate’s fists slamming into someone’s locker echoes through the room. I ignore it as I scan the room, searching out the one person who thinks she’s gotten away with murder.
I find her a moment later. Ashley Samuels, sitting amongst her friends laughing and joking without a care in the world. Well, that’s about to change. I don’t know how and I don’t know when, but soon, she will pay for what she did to us and I can guarantee, with Nate involved it will be brutal and unforgiving.
I somehow tear my eyes away, not wanting her to catch me looking. After all, I wouldn’t want to tip her off that we know, otherwise she’ll be expecting it and I can’t have that. I want to blindside her, just like she did to us.
I shake out my thoughts. I can’t be thinking about this now. I need to sleep on this. Get my emotions under control before making any decisions.
I sit back down beside Brooke which is when I notice Jackson. His eyes are narrowed as he watches me. I haven’t spoken to him since the party on Friday night and I have no plans to change that. He knows he fucked that up, but right now, the way he’s looking at me is as though he’s trying to work something out, like maybe he already knows what’s going on.
I make a point of looking away and scoop my phone off the bench. My fingers hover over the screen desperate to text either Nate or Jesse to make sure he’s alright, but I don’t. I’ll talk with them soon, even though that’s bound to end with a fight.
The end of lunch bell rings, and to be honest, I’ve never been happier. I feel if I stay in this cafeteria much longer, I’m going to lose my shit. Brooke scoops her arm around mine as we get up from the table and start heading for the door I only just came through. “Everything ok?” she murmurs as the entire student body tries to squish through the same doors. “You look… pissed off.”
“I, um…” I consider telling her about Ashley when I think better of it. I don’t want her to know, not yet. She’ll go and kick Ashley’s ass right now, and honestly, a good ass kicking is not going to be nearly enough punishment, and besides, if anyone is going to kick her ass, it’s going to be me. “I just had an argument with Nate.”
“What?” she grunts in outrage. “What’s his problem now? Doesn’t he know you’re not his anymore? He can’t pull this crap on you anymore.”
Shit. I might not be confessing my big secret, but I’m about to confess to another. “I sort of… went to a Haven Falls party with Jackson on Friday night.”
Her eyes widen.
Her bottom lip drops.
A heavy breath is sucked in.
“What?” she demands. And just like that, the rest of my day is spent receiving the lecture I thought I’d be getting from Jess.
Chapter 22
I get home that afternoon and I have to commend myself for making it through the rest of the school day. I couldn’t concentrate at all and I have no doubts that Jess and Nate weren’t at school. I was desperate to go over to their place all afternoon to vent about it, but I can’t. Not yet. Nate needs time to cool down and listening to me talking about the fire is definitely not a good way to do that.