There was so much I could have said to her, but none of it mattered. Not really. What mattered was that I would have done anything for her. Given her everything. And it still wouldn’t have been enough.
“I’m ready to go,” I said, even though my eyes were on Natalie.
Part of me hoped she’d say something. Apologise or just… something. It wouldn’t have made a difference, but I could have used a sign that she had cared. Once.
She said nothing.
“Do you have everything you need?” Constable Matthews asked.
“Yup. I have everything.”
I walked towards the door, carrying my suitcase, and the officers followed me. Just as I opened the door, Natalie said, “Ash.”
I stopped but didn’t turn around. Her voice had turned softer, and at her tone, I could feel her manipulation beginning to wrap around me.
“Please,” she said. “Can I have one minute with you?”
“For what?” I asked, looking over my shoulder at her. The tears in her eyes had started to fall and the part of me that always forgave her started to emerge.
As if as a warning sign, the pain in my ribs started to nag at me; also a reminder I needed more painkillers soon.
“To tell you I… I’m sorry.”
Slowly, I turned around to look at her. “For what, Nat? What are you sorry for? For putting me in hospital? For all of the other times you’ve hurt me? For breaking my laptop and ripping up all of my fucking photos? What exactly are you sorry for?”
“All of it,” she said quietly.
In that moment, she was back. The girl I first met. The sweet one I used to have fun with. Her eyes were wide, and she looked so innocent.
But I was standing there, with police having to escort me from the home I shared with her because she couldn’t be trusted not to attack me again.
She wasn’t that girl anymore. She wasn’t the girl I fell in love with.
“Well… maybe you’ll treat the next one better.”
With those words, I walked out of the flat, hearing her crying behind me.
I paced around on the path outside Ash’s flat, hoping that he would hurry up. Waiting was making me anxious. I knew he was stressed about going inside, and I also knew his feelings were a lot more mixed up than he’d told me. How could they not be? He was in a really vulnerable position, but as much as I’d wanted to go in there with him for some moral support, I didn’t want to see her. I didn’t want to see the woman who had destroyed him. Having spent days with Ash, watching him go from smiling to crying to overthinking, I couldn’t trust myself to be in a room with her. I wasn’t violent by any means, but I was pretty sure I’d be tempted to be if I had to see her face to face.
I still couldn’t comprehend how anyone could treat another person the way she had treated him. But not only that. Ash was thoughtful, and he was fun, and he was loyal, and anyone would be lucky to have him. She had him and she broke him.
What a freaking idiot she was.
I looked up as I heard the door opening, and Ash walked out first, followed by the police officers. Sergeant Wright was carrying Ash’s suitcase.
As Ash approached me, his eyes were heavy, like he was trying hard not to break down, and I reached out for him, gently taking his hand.
“It’s okay,” I said. “It’s over now.”
He nodded, unable to speak. Instead of trying to for
ce him to talk, I took my car keys from my pocket.
“Go wait for me in the car. I’ll get your bag,” I said, handing him the keys.
He didn’t acknowledge my words, he just took the keys and unlocked the passenger door, getting inside.
I turned my attention to the police officers. “How did it go?” I asked.