She told herself it was the speed of the sleek craft and idyllic evening that had her giddy as they flew across the cerulean blue lake, but she wasn’t convinced. She knew the reason for her intoxication was one hundred percent him.
• • •
“It must be so incredible,” Harper murmured dreamily.
It was an hour and a half later and she cradled a nearly empty glass of chardonnay while gazing out at the dramatic scenery of the tall, rugged mountains cupping the jewel-like Emerald Bay. They’d just finished a delicious dinner at a table set for two on the foredeck of the yacht. Jacob had admitted—a little sheepishly—that he wasn’t much of a chef, and that their meals had been prepared by his cook, Lisa. Harper had laughed off his apology. The food had been sublime, the scenery breathtaking, and the company thrilling. He had nothing to be sorry for. He’d been an excellent dinner companion, asking her questions about herself and appearing genuinely interested in her answers. Although his somber watchfulness was his trademark characteristic, he laughed often enough. Every time he did, her heart squeezed a little. There was an elusive quality to him, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on, something beyond his obvious handsomeness and his aura of quiet yet undeniable power and confidence.
She couldn’t help but recall her unrealisti
c fantasy about finding a guy who was not only confident, smart, and powerful, but who actually listened to her once in a while. Jacob was a focused listener. He couldn’t possibly be very interested in the boring things she told him about her life as a reporter at the Chronicle or her favorite places in San Francisco or Washington, DC, but he seemed to pay attention to every detail. No, to absorb it. It was probably a short-lived act to get her into bed.
But if it was an illusion, it was a nice one, she acknowledged. As the sun began to set over the mountains, Harper found herself wanting to believe in it very much. She realized she’d hardly dwelled on her parents’ loss or experienced that swallowing emptiness all night.
“What’s that?” Jacob asked.
For a moment, she didn’t recall what had inspired his question. He held up a bottle of wine in a silent query and she nodded once eagerly. For a moment, she didn’t answer and just watched as he tipped the bottle and golden liquid trickled into her glass. The moment struck her as sensual somehow . . . rich with possibilities. He set down the bottle and lifted his brows slightly, waiting for her reply. She recalled her former statement.
“Oh, I was just thinking it must be incredible. To be you,” she said, smiling and waving at the fantastic scenery and the lovely table that had been set exclusively for them with lavish detail. “Does it all seem passé to you at this point? The mansions, the yachts, being constantly surrounded by beauty and luxury?” she wondered. She’d asked him earlier if he lived in Tahoe full-time, and he’d admitted he also had homes in the Sea Cliff area of San Francisco as well as in Napa Valley, where he also owned Lattice Vineyards.
He took a moment to reply, lifting his wineglass and taking a sip. “I’d like to be able to tell you that it never becomes background noise. I’d like to be able to say that the ability to appreciate the finer things and the rare opportunities directly relates to just how low and dirty of a place you had to crawl from to get there.”
“But you can’t?” she asked softly.
“Sometimes, I forget. Sometimes, it’s easier just to imagine that this world is the one I was destined for, even though deep down, I know it’s a lie I tell myself. Because the truth is, every day, every hour, I have to scramble to keep it. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t have to work so hard and worry so much. Sometimes, I resent all this,” he mused, waving back at the yacht. “Because I hate that tomorrow I’ll have to be smarter and better and maybe even more ruthless in order to keep it. And yet . . . I want to keep it,” he said, meeting her stare dead-on. “I want more.”
His eyes had taken on a simmering quality. Harper realized she was holding her breath.
“Why?” she whispered.
He shrugged. “The more you have, the safer you are from losing it all.” He met her gaze and smiled slightly. “Pretty pitiful, isn’t it?”
“I wouldn’t say that,” she said thoughtfully. “I can see how that mind-set would arise. And it’s not just the things you would worry about losing. It’s all the work you’ve done, too, and all that it meant to you. The struggles. The failures and the victories. All the effort you’ve put into creating what you’ve become. You wouldn’t want it all to be for nothing.”
For a moment, a full silence prevailed as they regarded each other.
“You’re wondering if I have the ability to appreciate you, aren’t you? If I’ll take you for granted as much as I might any of the other luxurious playthings that are scattered around me?”
She started slightly. She hadn’t expected him to say that. The realization also struck her that by “playthings” he might have been making a veiled reference to his other lovers. She laughed and set down her glass of wine.
“You don’t pull any punches, do you?”
“Would you like me to go easier on you?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. Her smile faded. “Of course I’m wondering about it. I don’t really know how the mind of a brilliant, billionaire software magnate works.”
“Neither do I. Is there a handbook?”
“I’m just trying to figure you out, Jacob. Is that so terrible? You have asked me to sleep with you.”
He picked up his wineglass and took a sip, seemingly unaffected by her wryness. His gaze became hooded as he stared out at the sparkling water.
“What’s wrong?” she wondered, sensing his withdrawal. Had he changed his mind about what he’d offered last night? That he would help her forget her loss . . . for a little while, anyway. Now, as she wondered if he’d changed his mind, she suddenly was confident about her own decision.
He was rare. Different. Maybe she was acting out or behaving impulsively in the past year. Maybe she was just running away from the sense of meaninglessness and loss that had filled her life. But she experienced the opposite of loneliness and frustrated anger when she was with him.
She felt excitement and connection.
He was worth the risk.