We stay standing, my mind wondering what black one he’s referring to. And wishing I could see it as well.
DEMI
Sophomore year
I take Eli’s hand, and he helps me sit down beside him on the cliff. My legs dangle off the ledge, and I take another drink. My body shakes, and my breathing is labored. Why do girls do things they don’t like to impress a boy? I’m not sure anyone will ever be able to answer that question.
“Hey.” I jump when Eli places his arm around me and pulls to his side. “I got you.”
I look over at his brown eyes and soft smile playing on his pretty face. “Why are we here?” I ask.
The smile drops off his face, and he looks out over the dark ocean. The moonlight shines down on it, making it look beautiful but deadly. “I come here a lot with Cole and Deke.” He swallows. “After Betty died, there were times he wouldn’t answer our phone calls or texts. He’d miss school and swim practice. We always worried about him.” He sighs. “But one day, Deke convinced me to skip school and go look for him. We found him here, sitting at his mother’s grave.”
My chest tightens for Cole and the loss of his mother, and tears sting my eyes. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose a parent. Even if I don’t like mine most of the time, I’d hate to have to live without them.
“We sat here with him in silence until the sun went down. And then without saying a word, he turned and walked down to the Lowes estate.”
“Why?” I ask curiously.
“That’s where Lilly was. Celeste always watches her for him.”
I don’t like her. There’s just something about Celeste and Bruce Lowes that I don’t trust.
“Deke turned and left as well, but I walked over here and sat down.” He smiles, looking out over the calm water. “And that’s when I heard them.”
“Heard what?” I whisper.
He turns to look at me, his left hand coming up to cup my face. “Just listen.”
I stop breathing. My heart pounds wildly at his warm hand on my cheek. I feel a blush creep up my face, and I’m thankful it’s not daytime. “Kiss me,” I say without thought.
His eyes drop to my lips, and he licks his. “Demi, I can’t …”
“Please,” I beg him.
He sighs heavily. “Listen to me, Demi.” His other hand comes up to hold my face as well.
The world starts to spin.
“You’re too good to be someone’s secret. And we both know that’s exactly what you would have to be if we got together.”
I know he’s right. He’s the oldest of the GWS. He’ll be turning eighteen this coming summer, and I’ll still be sixteen. “I don’t care,” I whisper. My mouth going dry suddenly.
He frowns. “You deserve to be someone’s fucking world, Demi Holt. Don’t ever think anything less of yourself.”
“I wanna be your world,” I say, feeling dizzy. I blink a few times, but it doesn’t stop. I fall backward, and he catches me.
“Whoa.” He gets to his feet and helps me move away from the edge of the cliff. He tries to get me to stand, but I stumble over my feet. “How much did you drink?” he asks.
“I …” I blink. “Not much.”
He grabs the drink from my hand and looks down at it.
“I think … I’m gonna get sick …”
He brings the cup to his lips and takes a sip. Then he’s spitting it out. “What the fuck? Who gave you this drink?”
I try to think back. Who was it? My mind is foggy and … “Becky.” I slur.
“You sure?”
I nod and almost lose my balance again. “Yeeeaaahhh.”
He pours the drink out and shoves the now empty cup into the pocket of his hoodie.
“I … I don’t feel well,” I slur, leaning over and placing my hands on my knees.
“I know.” He places an arm under my legs and the other across my back to pick me up.
Looking up at him, I blink as he carries me through the cemetery and down the hill. I watch his sharp jaw and a muscle tic in his neck. He’s angry with me.
“I’m sorry. I don’t …” My eyes close. “Drink.”
Then everything goes dark. When I open my eyes next, he’s placing me in the passenger seat of his car. He reaches across me and buckles my seat belt. My arms feel heavy, my mind sluggish. Then his hand cups my face. I lean into him.
“This isn’t your fault, Demi.” His narrowed eyes search mine before he growls. “Your sister drugged you.”
Present
“Ready To Die,” by TheUnder pumps through the speakers of my mother’s house. I stand in the kitchen sipping away on a rum and Coke. It’s my third one. I’ve come a long way since I had my first drink out of Deke’s bottle that night on the beach. I learned several important lessons that night that I’ll never forget.