She lets out a long breath, and Deke just stands there. Without a word, she turns and walks up the stairs to the loft.
“Austin—” I call after her, but Deke interrupts me again.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
How was I supposed to explain to my best friend that our other best friend was fucking the girl he was in love with and she was pregnant? Possibly with his best friend’s kid? “Because I knew you loved her. Her being with Eli and involved in the wreck … it was just too much. I didn’t tell her to run for nothing just to get caught up in it months down the road.”
“That’s why she was so upset.” He sighs. “That day you skipped school after reading the emails we found on Jerrold’s laptop. Austin stopped me in the hall at school and demanded to know where you were. Later that day, Becky kept calling her. When she didn’t answer, she asked me what I knew. I told her that we had found evidence that you weren’t at fault for the accident. Bruce had paid to kill you.” He shakes his head. “She started bawling. I thought … I just thought that she felt bad for blaming you like the rest of this town did.” His blue eyes meet mine. “She shouldn’t have let you take the fall.”
“She was scared. Terrified. I may have been a fucking heartless bastard, but the poor thing couldn’t take that kind of pressure. She wasn’t a shark. And I wasn’t gonna let this town drag her to the deep end and drown her.”
After the wreck, kids feared me. Parents hated me. They all wanted me in jail. I never once disagreed with them. My father chose to get me off. I never asked for his help. I would have taken whatever punishment the courts thought I deserved at the time. Just because it wasn’t really an accident doesn’t mean I wasn’t at fault. They’re all dead because of me.
“Now you’re defending her?” he asks with an arch of his brow.
I throw my hands out to my sides. “What do you want from me, Deke? I didn’t know what was going to happen to us. I just told her to go, and she went. I had three friends who were missing. They weren’t in the car. We were both bloody. She was in pain and sobbing while sitting in the middle of the road.” He flinches at my words. “I could handle whatever they were gonna throw at me. She wouldn’t have.” I take a breath. “I told her when we went to Bruce’s to get the recordings Austin had that we needed to come clean. It was time. She panicked all over again. Saying you could never forgive her.”
He stands and turns for the door.
“Deke …?”
He ignores me as well, leaving and slamming the door shut on his way out.
I make my way up to the loft. It’s the middle of the fucking day, and I find Austin lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Her clothes on the floor. I sit down on the edge with my back to her.
“How long are you gonna be mad at me?” I hate it! We finally got to a good place, and now here we are, back to square fucking one. Cole Reynolds being the fucking bastard he is.
I turn to see her face.
She sits up, her green eyes soften. “I’m not mad at you, Cole. I’m mad at everyone else in this town who turned their back on you.”
“It wasn’t their fault.”
She places her hand on my shoulder. “It wasn’t yours either.”
“Austin …”
“No, Cole. Whatever you have to say, you can save it.” She reaches up and cups my face. “I don’t think any less of you.”
My jaw tightens. “I blackmailed her to be your friend. Your only friend in this town.” I didn’t let anyone else get too close to her. I kept her on a very short leash. “We’re both frauds!”
She gives me a small smile. “I’m not mad at you or at Becky. I feel sorry for both of you.”
I pull away from her. “You shouldn’t feel sorry for me. You should hate me!”
Tears spring to her green eyes. “Why do you do this to yourself?” she asks. I don’t answer. “When are you going to forgive yourself and move on?”
“Move on?” I ask breathlessly. “My friends are dead—”
“They’re not gonna come back, Cole.” She interrupts me softly. “I’m so sorry that you lost them. But how do you expect anyone to forgive you when you can’t even forgive yourself?”
“I don’t want their forgiveness,” I growl, rising to my feet.
She gets up on her knees. It’s like the time she found out I wasn’t driving all over again. Naked on my bed, she looks at me like she pities me. When I told her to get the fuck out! But she didn’t. She had stayed. She had opened up to me about what her mom’s boyfriend had done to her. Instead of turning away from me, she’s standing her ground. Prepared to fight me. It’s something I love and I hate about her. I hate being cornered. Or pushed.