“Don’t.”
His hand sprang away. A moment later, I felt him get up from the bed. I perfectly imagined his hurt, his barren distress. I lay there unmoving with my eyes closed, locked inside a slowly constricting tourniquet of grief and horror.
Hours later, Evan finally turned out the light and got into the other bed. I knew how he sounded when he slept. It took what felt like an eternity before I heard his slow, steady breathing.
I willed my sore, tight muscles to unclench.
I couldn’t bear to be in that room any longer. I had to get away.
But not before I heard the news from Wes. It would be wrong to be rash, when I didn’t have anything but Madaster’s allegations.
(Are you sure he’s delusional? Sociopathic, to be certain. Cruel. Selfish beyond belief. But I wouldn’t say delusional.)
Of course he’s delusional! He believes that his family is some kind of example of a pure race, and that intermarriage and incest should be encouraged because it creates psychic abilities and the capability to speak with the ancestors.
(If that’s a delusion, then what are we doing right now?)
I started, a whimper leaking out of my throat. Evan moved restlessly in the other bed, and then quieted.
(He’s such a good man. I never deserved him, but you do. You’re pure. Untainted. You shouldn’t be so harsh with him.)
Shut up!
I sat up in the bed and clutched at my head, desperate to stop the voice.
(Do you want to escape, Anna?)
Yes.
(Then go. Get up right now, take the keys from Evan, and drive. Drive until the road runs out. But you’ll never be able to escape the memories. You’ll never be able to escape your husband. Your father. There’s only one thing that will bring you any peace now. Us any peace. Swim Deep.)
I squeezed at my head now, my fingernails digging into my scalp. I clamped my eyelids tight. My throat burned from a silent scream.
(Wait for the test the results, if you must. But you already know you’re mine. When you get the results, you know what you have to do. Find me, and you’ll find yourself. Light from my darkness.)
“Anna,” she said.
Her voice resounded, substantial and real within the confines of the shadowed hotel room. I heard authority, gentleness, love, and an ocean of regret; all of it in that single utterance of my name.
I opened my eyes, and saw her—Elizabeth—standing at the foot of my bed.
The scream exploded from my throat. I banged my head back on the wooden headboard, wild to get her out.
What penetrated my horror were the sound of Evan’s voice and the light going on in the room. Both seemed to cause Elizabeth to disappear. Despite that, I couldn’t stop screaming.
“Anna… God, Anna, please stop. You’re safe. Tell me what it is. Please tell me.”
His obvious anguish finally silenced me. I leaned my head back and brought him into focus. He sat on the bed next to me, his tight embrace holding my arms next to my sides. In my panic, had I been swinging at him as he tried to comfort me? He looked as panic-stricken as I felt. Now that I’d stilled, he reached up and cupped my face.
“Whatever it is that’s scaring you the most, just say it, honey. You need to let it out, or it’s going to kill you.”
“Don’t you know
what’s terrifying me?” I whispered hoarsely.
He winced. “I… I think I do. You’re afraid that if you are Elizabeth’s, then you might be Noah’s, too.” I just stared at him in mute amazement. His brushed his fingertip over my wet cheek. “But even if that were true, it doesn’t matter, honey. It doesn’t matter.”
“That’s not what I’m most afraid of,” I said. “I’m most afraid that you’re my father.”