He sat straighter, running a brisk hand down his face. “You’ve lost your goddamn mind.”
“Jason.” Felicity shot him a harsh look before settling her eyes on me. “But you love football,” she said.
“Yeah, well, football isn’t going to secure my future. And we can’t all be like you, man, with a shot at going pro.”
Jason winced at the bitterness in my tone. I wanted to tell him it had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my piece of shit father, but I couldn’t find the words.
I was still surprised I’d even told them the truth about college.
“So if you’re not going to play football, what the fuck are you going to do?”
“You know Pittsburgh is my old man’s alma mater. I’m going to study business and when I graduate...” the words lodged in my throat. “I’m going to help Dad expand his tech business.”
“If that’s what you want, man.” Cam smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Then good for you.”
“I still don’t get it,” Jase narrowed his gaze, scrutinizing me as if he saw right through my bullshit. “You can study and play football. Why would you—”
“Gotta grow up one day, right? Figured I might as well get a head start. Besides, it won’t be the same without you guys.”
“Ash, man, come on, this doesn’t make any sense.” I’d expected this, expected Jase to be the one who wouldn’t let it go. “You’re a Raider,” he said. “The dream was always college football.”
“Yeah, well, dreams change,” I said, exhaling a shaky breath as I locked eyes on him. Jase didn’t get it. How could he? Football had always been everything to him, the dream and the end goal. And despite his rocky relationship with his dad, at least Mr. Ford understood what it was like to want something so badly it consumed your every waking minute.
Right from when he first held a football, Jason was a star in his father’s eyes. I was nothing but a bitter disappointment to mine.
And now I’d disappointed my best friend. The guy who had been my captain and quarterback for as long as I could remember.
We were locked in an impasse. Jason wanted to say more; it was right there in his eyes. The need to unearth my reasons, to know why it had to be like this. And I was silently pleading with him to let it go.
In the end, it wasn’t me who walked away like I’d expected. It was Jason.
“Fuck,” I hissed, clenching a fist against my thigh. Mya got up and came to me, wrapping her arms around my waist.
“He’ll come around.”
“Excuse me,” Felicity jumped to her feet. “While I go beat some sense into my boyfriend.”
“We should probably make a start on getting the bags,” Hailee said to Cameron who was staring at me with an apologetic expression.
“He’ll cool off. This is your decision, not his.”
“Thanks.” I gave him a sharp nod, unwilling to offer him any further explanation.
“I shouldn’t have said anything,” I said the second me and Mya were alone.
She craned her neck to look at me. “Maybe the whole truth would have been better.”
“I tried but I’m not ready. If you think this changes things, them knowing the whole story will really screw things up.”
“They’re your friends, Ash, they’ll understand.”
Looping my arms around her, I held Mya tight to my chest. “I’m not ready.”
I didn’t know if I ever would be. I’d lived with this lie for so long it had become an extension of me. A ten-foot wall erected out of lousy jokes and false smiles. Telling them would be like baring myself to the world, the real me. Not the version people knew and loved. But the other version.
The dark tainted version that had anger simmering in his veins and pain festering in his heart.
“Okay,” Mya whispered. “We’ll figure it out.”