I felt like an outsider. This was a conversation Cameron should have had in private with his parents, but then he was squeezing my hand back, his eyes settling on my stunned face. He gave me a smile so vulnerable yet reassuring at the same time, I realized that, despite my reservations, he needed me here. In some bizarre turn of events, I’d given Cameron the strength he needed to vocalize his thoughts to his parents.
“Oh, sweetheart, come here.” Mrs. Chase’s arms looped around her son’s neck as she hugged him from behind, sniffling into his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
I swallowed back my own tears. This was a family; three people just trying to do their best with the shitty hand they had been dealt. Cameron’s parents didn’t push him to keep up football and school because of expectation or pressure, they did it for him. Because they knew what football and his future meant to him. But it was a burden too heavy for Cameron to carry. Last night was proof of that.
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Mom. I’ve made my decision. I’ll talk to Coach first thing Monday.”
Mr. Chase was quiet, his eyes studying his son. “Don’t make any rash decisions okay, Son? This is your future. We’ll get through this, the same way we get through everything—together. If you need a break, fine. But it doesn’t have to be the end of football. Not when you’re so close to everything you’ve worked so hard for.”
Father and son shared a long look, Cameron’s fingers still firmly entwined with my own. Eventually, Mrs. Chase broke the stifling silence by placing plates of pancakes and bacon in front of us. “I hope you’re hungry,” she said, her expression warm as she watched me and her son.
“Mom. What’s wrong?” Cameron asked, noticing her watching us.
“Nothing, sweetheart. I’m just glad you have Hailee.” She swallowed, a mask of sadness falling over her as she settled her gaze on me. “I’m glad my son has you.”
I nodded, too choked up to reply.
“I’m sorry.” Mrs. Chase smiled. “I’ve made all this food and now everyone is sad.”
“It’s fine, Mom. Let’s eat, I’m starving.” He gave me a discreet wink and motioned for me to dig in.
And I did.
Because something told me no matter how scared this family was; right now, they needed to take comfort in the little things.
“Your parents seem nice,” I said when we were back in the privacy of Cameron’s bedroom.
“They’re good people,” he said, flopping down on the bed, pulling me with him. We landed with a soft thud, my body lying atop the length of his.
“They were cool about me being here this morning.”
He shrugged. “I guess I didn’t give them much warning, but I’m eighteen, Hailee. It’s not like we’re kids.” Cameron brushed his nose against mine, kissing me softly. “I’m glad you were there with me. I’ve been trying to find the words all week, but every time I’ve tried to broach the subject with them, I just couldn’t do it.”
“You really want to quit the team?”
“Yes… no, I don’t know.” He pressed his head back against the pillows, eyes fixed on the ceiling as he let out a ragged breath. “It’s just so much pressure, you know? If I can’t pull it together, I’m a liability—”
“Yeah, but you don’t need to quit. Coach will understand if you need some time out, they all will.”
“Maybe.” His eyes flicked back to mine. “Or maybe I’ve just realized there’s more to life.”
“You love football.”
“I do.” His eyes lit up. “But it isn’t all I want. Not like Jas—” He stopped himself.
“It’s okay, you can talk to me about this.”
“It’s always been his plan. We’d dominate Varsity together and then go to Penn, but everything’s different now.”
“Different?”
“Yeah,” he smiled but it was full of sadness. My heart clenched for the guy I’d swore I wouldn’t fall for and now I was in so deep I wasn’t sure I’d ever find my way out.
And I was okay with that.
More than okay.
“There was a time when I wanted it, when I kept thinking, ‘this is the month Mom will get better’. But she never did and with every episode my dreams moved further and further away until I was no longer sure they were mine anymore.” Cameron paused, dragging his bottom lip into his teeth as if he was weighing up whether to say whatever was on his mind.