I haven’t heard from her, but the urge to pick up my phone and text her has been strong.
The bell rings, and I walk down the hallway, into the cafeteria, and sit down at our usual table.
Becky comes in with Deke on her arm, and they laugh like they’ve got nothing but jokes to tell. For the first time, I envy my best friend. He can turn it off like a switch. He can go from murderer to a fucking comedian in an instant. Not me. I hate the world. I hate myself. And I hate Austin.
No, you don’t.
“What’s wrong, Cole?” Becky asks me.
“Nothing,” I growl.
Deke waves her off and chimes in. “He’s just pissy ’cause Austin isn’t here for him to hang all over.”
Becky looks at me for a few seconds, her crystal blue eyes watching mine, and I look away. Noticing the white walls and students walking in, I hear them talking about their nonexistent lives. I feel her eyes on me, and I look back at her. Yep. Still staring. “Do you have something you want to say?” I snap.
“Do you and Austin have plans this weekend?” she asks, ignoring my anger.
“Why would we have plans?”
“Because you guys are dating,” she says simply.
“Babe, I told you it’s not like that,” Deke says, shaking his head. Then he gets up to grab their lunches.
She leans forward, and I hold in a sigh. “I see it written all over your face.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I’ve gone to school with you my entire life, Cole.” She lowers her voice. “I’ve seen you lose people you love.” My fists clench. “And I’ve seen how you look at her. I’ve seen a change in you.” I snort. “The other day, when she and I were standing outside the gym waiting for you guys to finish your meeting …” She looks down at the table. “I asked her how she was doing. If she was okay. I felt like something was wrong with her, but she blew me off and said she was just tired.” Her eyes meet mine. That explains why Austin jumped out of the car and tried to walk home. Becky got to her. “She lied, of course. I could ask you if you’re okay, and we both know you would lie too. But I know you better. Known you longer. I’ve watched you lately, and although I think you have hurt her, I also think you protect her.”
“Becky …”
“I see how you pull her tighter when Kellan walks into a room. And some would just chalk that up to being possessive, but I think it’s more than that.”
“Like what?” I can’t help but ask.
“Even the devil catches feelings, or he wouldn’t go into rages. Even he knows how to love.”
“Stop! I don’t love her.” What the fuck? Has Deke warped her mind?
“Maybe not love. But I see the way you kiss her in class and in the halls. How you touch her, not caring who is watching. And the look in your eyes when she isn’t around and she consumes your thoughts. It’s written all over your face. Like right now.”
“And?” I ask, wondering what she sees. If she can read me that well.
“And you’ve always been the kind of guy who would burn this town down if given a reason.” She sits back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest. She smiles at me. “And Austin is your reason.”
AUSTIN
I lie on the couch, watching a rerun of Gilmore Girls, when I hear the front door open and shut and then Phillip’s voice. “Where is your mother?”
“How the hell should I know?”
He walks over to me and knocks my feet off the couch and plops down next to me. He leans into me, grabbing my arm.
“Don’t touch me,” I snap, yanking out of his hold.
“Come on, Austin. You’re gonna miss me. I know I’m gonna miss you.”
I roll my eyes and stand, walking to my room because I know he’s drunk. Just as I shut my door, it’s shoved open and hits the interior wall. I spin around before he throws me onto the bed. “Get off me!” I shout.
“You know you want me, baby,” he growls.
I lift my knee between us and aim right for his balls. He cries out when I make contact. “Get off me.” I shove him, and he hits the floor with a thud.
“Little bitch,” he growls.
“Honey?” I hear my mom call out to him, and the front door open and close. She enters my room seconds later. Her green eyes narrow on me and then they go to Phillip. “What happened?” She runs to him. “Did you do this to him?” she demands, helping him sit up.
I stand by my bed, my hands balled into fists and my body physically shaking.